Christmas present Quote by Lindy West
““Lots of men wanted to have sex with me - I dated casually, I got texts in the night - they just didn't want to go to a restaurant with me, or bring me to their office party, or open Christmas presents with me. It would have been relatively simple to swallow the idea that I was objectively sexually undesirable, but the truth was more painful: There was something about me that was symbolically shameful. It's not that men didn't like me; it's that they hated themselves for doing so. But why?””
About This Quote
Source Interview: The New Yorker, “Lindy West on Dating and Shame”, 2020
The speaker feels rejected not because she lacks appeal but because others project their own shame onto her, making them unable to accept intimacy.
In simple terms: People reject her due to their own self‑shame, not her lack of desirability.
Key Takeaway
Recognize that others’ rejection may reflect their inner issues.
Themes
self‑esteem
shame
relationships
gender dynamics
Mood
reflective
empathetic
Type
personal
psychological
relationship
When to use this quote
- dating apps
- social gatherings
- holiday events
- office parties
Key Concepts
projection
self‑worth
symbolic shame
Questions to Reflect On
- What does your own self‑esteem reveal about how you interpret others’ behavior?
- How might you separate personal shame from genuine disinterest?
A Different Perspective
Some may simply lack interest, not necessarily shame, so not every rejection fits this pattern.
![“[T]hese last few days where I've moped around damn near depressed for real, because of people who do not exist. Not really. I can buy them Christmas presents, but there is no way to send them. Sometimes I feel like I should be able to walk into the next room and there they will be, but they won't…” quote by Laurell K. Hamilton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/c19/laurell-k-hamilton-199_able_t-hese-last-few-days-where-i-ve-moped-ar_73321.jpg)
