Abandonment Quote by Kiera Van Gelder
““I’ve read that, for some borderlines, the flip side of abandonment fear is the fear of engulfment. It’s another one of those “screwed if you do, screwed if you don’t” situations. All you want is love and belonging, and your very existence depends on it. But when you get it, you have no existence except that love; there’s still no you.””
About This Quote
Source Interview: Podcast on Borderline Personality Disorder, 2023
The quote describes how people with abandonment fear may also dread losing themselves in relationships, feeling that their identity exists only through love, leading to a paradox where both seeking and avoiding intimacy are problematic.
In simple terms: Fear of losing self in love creates a paradox of needing and fearing intimacy.
Key Takeaway
Recognize and nurture personal identity apart from relationships.
Themes
identity
relationships
fear
paradox
selfhood
Mood
anxious
reflective
Type
psychological
insightful
When to use this quote
- dating
- therapy
- personal growth
- support groups
Key Concepts
attachment theory
boundary setting
self‑concept
Questions to Reflect On
- How can you maintain a sense of self while forming close bonds?
- What boundaries help balance love and individuality?
A Different Perspective
It may oversimplify complex mental health dynamics and ignore individual variability.
