Bread and butter Quote by Doris Lessing
““What is terrible is that after every one of the phases of my life is finished, I am left with no more than some banal commonplace that everyone knows: in this case, that women’s emotions are all still fitted for a kind of society that no longer exists. My deep emotions, my real ones, are to do with my relationship with a man. One man. But I don’t live that kind of life, and I know few women who do. So what I feel is irrelevant and silly…I am always coming to the conclusion that my real emotions are foolish, I am always having, as it were, to cancel myself out. I ought to be like a man, caring more for my work than for people; I ought to put my work first, and take men as they come, or find an ordinary comfortable man for bread and butter reasons—but I won’t do it, I can’t be like that…””
About This Quote
Source Novel: The Golden Notebook, Doris Lessing, 1962
The speaker feels trapped by outdated gender expectations, seeing her genuine emotions as irrelevant in a society that no longer matches those norms.
In simple terms: She feels her true feelings are dismissed as foolish because they don’t fit old gender roles.
Key Takeaway
Recognize and honor your authentic emotions despite societal expectations.
Themes
gender roles
identity
societal expectations
emotional authenticity
Mood
conflicted
reflective
determined
Type
personal
philosophical
When to use this quote
- personal relationships
- career decisions
- mental health
- self‑acceptance
- navigating expectations
Key Concepts
feminist critique
psychological conflict
social construction of gender
Questions to Reflect On
- How can you validate your emotions without conforming to outdated norms?
- What steps can you take to align your life with your authentic self?
A Different Perspective
The quote assumes a binary view of gender roles, which may not capture the full spectrum of modern identities.
![“In order to save the 40,000,000 inhabitants of the United Kingdom from a bloody civil war, we colonial statesmen must acquire new lands to settle the surplus population, to provide new markets. [...] The Empire, as I have always said, is a bread and butter question.” quote by Cecil Rhodes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/53b/cecil-rhodes-17121_acquire_in-order-to-save-the-40-000-000-inhabita_202459.jpg)
