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- It's a big thing now: A lot of people want to be assistants to celebrities. If you're pursuing that, you're an idiot.… — Lewis Black
- Laughter is the closest distance between two people. — Victor Borge
- As regards obstacles, the shortest distance between two points can be a curve. — Bertolt Brecht
- A shortcut is the longest distance between two points. — Charles Issawi
- Under all conditions, well-organized violence seems to him the shortest distance between two points. — Leon Trotsky
- Sometimes the shortest distance between two points is a winding path walked arm in arm. — Robert Breault
- Curve: The loveliest distance between two points. — Mae West
- Recreational shopping is the shortest distance between two points: you and broke. — Victoria Moran