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- Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi looks in the mirror and sees a playboy of the old school. And men such as Dominique… — Graydon Carter
- I recently read that Arnold Schwarzenegger collects Hummers. Now we know why Maria's face is frozen in that puckered position. — Brad Wilkerson
- Arnold Schwarzenegger is blaming man for global warming. And today, Al Gore agreed with him. That's so typical. Two cyborgs, 'Oh, let's… — Jay Leno
- Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered a role in a sequel to 'The Terminator.' In this one he travels back in time and… — Conan O'Brien
- Arnold Schwarzenegger is in trouble after tapes surfaced of him saying negative things about other Republicans. Actually the Schwarzenegger tapes surfaced last… — Conan O'Brien
- Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, they make bad movie after bad movie. — Peter Stormare
- There's one difference between me and them: I know I'm not qualified. In my opinion, Arnold Schwarzenegger wasn't qualified to be governor… — James Garner
- The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more vowels, four… — Craig Kilborn