Say whatever you want. But the United States has a kickass military and really good bullshit marketing people. If this country was… — Richard Jeni Bullshit Copy Share Image
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's… — Richard Jeni Copy Share Image
The only difference between the women I've dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut… — Richard Jeni Anti valentine Copy Share Image
The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions… — Richard Jeni Copy Share Image
It's always the guy who gets the diarrhea on the commercial at an inconvenient moment. As if you've ever been in a… — Richard Jeni Advertising Copy Share Image
Choosing to have a child you can't take care of is like farting in an elevator. Sure you got it out, but… — Richard Jeni Care Copy Share Image
I was brought up Catholic. My mom brought us to mass every Sunday - short for 'massive head trauma' that you get… — Richard Jeni Copy Share Image
Imagine my surprise when it turned out the main thing that I was qualified for was to get another degree and teach… — Richard Jeni Copy Share Image
Ridiculous that some people feel superior to the gay minority. They're the only couples you'll ever find poking around for ceramics and… — Richard Jeni Candle Copy Share Image
I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the… — Richard Jeni Copy Share Image
Sports are an acceptable way for men to show emotion. A guy who won't hug his kid will slip a guy a… — Richard Jeni Copy Share Image
When one guy sees an invisible man he's a nut case; ten people see him it's a cult; ten million people see… — Richard Jeni Copy Share Image
Nobody is really qualified to be the president. Basically it's an acting job. You have to act like you're the president. And… — Richard Jeni Acting Copy Share Image
Why is human cloning illegal? All it is is making a certain type of person on purpose. Can they possibly be any… — Richard Jeni Accidents Copy Share Image
