A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it… — Mark Twain Banker Copy Share Image
“FOR EVERY GRAIN OF SAND IN OUR WORLD, THERE ARE ONE MILLION STARS IN THE UNIVERSE.” — MARK TWAIN Astronomy Copy Share Image
“Evidence ... proves that prohibition only drives drunkenness behind closed doors and into dark places, and it does not cure it or… — Mark Twain Behind closed doors Copy Share Image
Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The educated Southerner has no use for an 'r', except at the beginning of a word. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I like the truth sometimes, but I don't care enough for it to hanker after it. — Mark Twain Care Copy Share Image
Why is it that, among men, physical courage is a trait so plenteous yet moral courage is a trait so rare? — Mark Twain Courage Copy Share Image
It has taken a weary long time to persuade American Presbyterians to give up infant damnation and try to bear it the… — Mark Twain Atheism Copy Share Image
In the beginning of a change the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds,… — Mark Twain Brave Copy Share Image
We all belong to the nasty stinking little human race, & of course it is not nice for God's beloved vermin to… — Mark Twain Beloved Copy Share Image
“Then the cow asked: "What is a mirror?" "It is a hole in the wall," said the cat. "You look in it,… — Mark Twain Beauty Copy Share Image
In India, 'cold weather' is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to… — Mark Twain Brass Copy Share Image
“There’s no such thing as an uninteresting life, such a thing is an impossibility. Beneath the dullest exterior, there is a drama,… — Mark Twain Drama Copy Share Image
“and a manner so peculiar and romantic, and extraneous, and ad libitum, and heart-searching, that—that—he—he is an impressionist, I presume?" "No," said… — Mark Twain Artist Copy Share Image
“Man is a marvelous curiosity … he thinks he is the Creator’s pet … he even believes the Creator loves him; has… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Mere life is a luxury, and the color of the grass, of the flowers, of the sky, the wind in the trees,… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Conductor, when you receive a fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare. A blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare, A… — Mark Twain Blue Copy Share Image
Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Narrative should flow as flows the brook down through the hills and the leafy woodlands...a brook that never goes straight for a… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
God made all the animals in a single day; he could have swept them all away in the flood and re-created them… — Mark Twain Animal Copy Share Image
“The coyote is a long, slim, sick and sorry-looking skeleton, with a gray wolfskin stretched over it, a tolerably bushy tail that… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The law of God, as quite plainly expressed in woman's construction, is this: There shall be no limit put upon your intercourse… — Mark Twain Absence Copy Share Image
“One must make allowances for a parental instinct that has been starving for twenty-five or thirty years. It is famished, it is… — Mark Twain Old couple Copy Share Image
“There are,” said Twain, “certain sweet-smelling, sugarcoated lies current in the world which all politic men have apparently tacitly conspired together to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was… — Mark Twain Doctor Copy Share Image
All say, ‘how hard it is that we have to die’ -- a strange complaint to come from the mouths of those… — Mark Twain Complaints Copy Share Image
No one can write perfect English and keep it up through a stretch of ten chapters. It has never been done. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Good gracious! Anybody hurt?” “No’m. Killed a nigger.” “Well, it’s lucky; because sometimes people do get hurt.” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
My experience with horses is that they never throw away a chance to go lame. — Mark Twain Animal Copy Share Image
One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke. — Mark Twain Advice Copy Share Image
“A man must not hold himself aloof from the things which his friends and community have at heart if he would be… — Mark Twain Aloof Copy Share Image
I heard a Californian student in Heidelberg say, in one of his calmest moods, that he would rather decline two drinks than… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“It's considered good sportsmanship not to pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.” — Mark Twain Famous-authors Copy Share Image
I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The man who is a pessimist before forty-eight knows too much; if he is an optimist after it he knows too little — Mark Twain Opportunity Copy Share Image
Reputation is a hall-mark: it can remove doubt from pure silver, and it can also make the plated article pass for pure. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
No, I have no desire for riches. Honest poverty and a conscience, torpid through virtuous inaction, are more to me than corner… — Mark Twain Conscience Copy Share Image
Who is this Renaissance? Where did he come from? Who gave him permission to cram the Republic with his execrable daubs? — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
