Mark Russell Quotes

21 quotes in 299 categories

• The Republicans have a new healthcare proposal: Just say NO to illness!
• I squirm when I see athletes praying before a game. Don't they realize that if God took sports seriously he never would have created George…
• Believe me when I say that Bill Clinton's second term will be good for business. My business.
• Young people, take heart: the older you get, the fewer commandments you will have the strength to break.
• The way money goes so fast these days, they should paint racing stripes on it.
• If the audience doesn't like it, usually they're just silent. But they've never all walked out at once.
• I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny.
• Being an Olympian is the ultimate test of one's sporting ability.
• The thing that you're faulted on today is not that you are too tough, or not that you aren't careful. It's that you might have…
• I can't think of a performer who is better on television than in person.
• If you call your opponent a politician, it's grounds for libel.
• People are not in a good mood when any politician's face appears on television.
• You know when Jerry Ford gets the best joke, you know you're in trouble.
• You've got the brain-washed, that's the Democrats, and the brain-dead, that's the Republicans!
• You know that a given in life in human nature, is that at a sporting event, a baseball game, a football game, you never introduce…
• The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
• Humor is very very risky, particularly for a candidate, unless he's been in so long that it just doesn't matter, and he's not running for…
• I believe that Bill Clinton's second term will be good for business... my business!
• I'll keep doing it until I die or the audiences die.
• Rush has done some top-notch quality work, and we're very, very pleased with them. We really enjoy working with them. They are on time and…

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