Jon Stewart

As an adolescent, Vonnegut made my life bearable.

— Jon Stewart

You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning.

— Jon Stewart

The bias of the mainstream media is toward sensationalism, conflict, and laziness.

— Jon Stewart

You know, I just want to say to her (Sarah Palin), just very quickly...F-- you.

— Jon Stewart

Technology. It's like science, only useless.

— Jon Stewart

When you are actually powerful, you don't need to be petty.

— Jon Stewart

I know change can be painful. But from change comes growth.

— Jon Stewart

Jazz musicians are the coolest people on the planet. Can I have some cool?

— Jon Stewart

Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom…

— Jon Stewart

I was born in New York City, but I was raised in New Jersey, part of the great Jewish emigration of 1963.

— Jon Stewart

You need to take a long, hard look in the mirror and not come away thinking, "Hey, there's something wrong with this…

— Jon Stewart

Please explain to me why John Kerry sounds more dickish telling the truth than Bush sounds when he's lying. How is that…

— Jon Stewart

But that hair? That is comedy entrapment. People are not attacking your hair, they are defending themselves from something that appears like…

— Jon Stewart

Every generation has their challenge. And things change rapidly, and life gets better in an instant.

— Jon Stewart

Historic in a good sense, not historic in a sense of 'so we dropped bombs on everyone.'

— Jon Stewart

Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad claims there are no homosexuals in Iran, just like there are no gay conservatives in the US.

— Jon Stewart

I'm also interviewing a guy who's just written a book about his experience living in Iraq, faced with the type of violence…

— Jon Stewart

Yes! We finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished fraud perpetrated on the public by…

— Jon Stewart

[The conversation with John McCain] is not about being a pacifist or- suggesting that you can never have a military solution to…

— Jon Stewart

Yon Kippur. Greatest Jewish holiday ever. The Jewish day of attonement. You don't ear for one day, all your sins for the…

— Jon Stewart

No matter what your race, creed or sexual preference, there is a word that people use to describe you that is very…

— Jon Stewart

You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to…

— Jon Stewart

President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands…

— Jon Stewart

I can't tell you how many times we'll run into a journalist and go, "Boy that's...I wish we could be saying that.…

— Jon Stewart

“You spent so much time being a hostess you forgot to be a woman. And now the time is right for making…

— Jon Stewart

The view... from my apartment... was the World Trade Center... and now it's gone, they attacked it. This symbol of American ingenuity,…

— Jon Stewart

People always say, when did you realize you were funny? And I think it's not that you realize you were funny. It's…

— Jon Stewart

You think that sense of humor goes as far as our ideology. I think that ultimately, we have we have very interesting…

— Jon Stewart

“As heirs to a legacy more than two centuries old, it is understandable why present-day Americans would take their own democracy for…

— Jon Stewart

Condoleezza Rice was confirmed by a vote of 85, 13, despite a contentious but futile protest vote by democrats. By the way,…

— Jon Stewart

Former Vermont Governor Howard Dean was all smiles, well smirks, after picking up the endorsement of former Vice President Al Gore at…

— Jon Stewart

You may be asking yourself, 'Am I the right type of person to go to this rally?' The fact that you would…

— Jon Stewart

I don't think marijuana should be illegal.

— Jon Stewart

It's not really a good sign when your audience applauds Satan.

— Jon Stewart

Don't worry, as long as America still has natural resources, you guys are okay.

— Jon Stewart

The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.

— Jon Stewart

That's the Senate Ethics Committee, an oxymoron since 1973.

— Jon Stewart

It's a wonder our country doesn't implode.

— Jon Stewart

I never thought I'd say this, but I miss voter fraud.

— Jon Stewart

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.

— Jon Stewart