Joe Dunthorne

It is strange to hear your mother talk about being human because, honestly, it's too easy to forget.

— Joe Dunthorne

Write a diary, imagining that you are trying to make an old person jealous.

— Joe Dunthorne

That's a big love letter," she says, squinting. I know what I'm going to say and for a moment I wish there…

— Joe Dunthorne

I bought a packet of Trojan® Ultra Pleasure Extra Sensitive condoms: ‘No. 1 in AMERICA’. They smell nothing like a positive first…

— Joe Dunthorne

“We asked our Welsh teacher, Mr Llewellyn – who is young, to tell us the Welsh sex words. The Welsh word for…

— Joe Dunthorne

I took a photo of us, mid-embrace. When I am old and alone I will remember that I once held something truly…

— Joe Dunthorne

“Problems are like top trumps. I have a pretty good card: Adulterous Mum. But Jordana's is still better: Tumour Mother.”

— Joe Dunthorne

Depression comes in bouts. Like boxing. Dad is in the blue corner.

— Joe Dunthorne

“I am one of those servants – butlers usually – who respectfully points out when their master is about to do something…

— Joe Dunthorne

“Jordana is in the umpire's highchair. I walk under the rugby posts and on to the tennis courts, stopping a few metres…

— Joe Dunthorne

Most people think of themselves as individuals, that there's no one on the planet like them. This thought motivates them to get…

— Joe Dunthorne

The next thing Jordana says makes me realize that it's too late to save her. "I've noticed that when you light a…

— Joe Dunthorne

I would never say snog. I would say osculate." She looks at me as if to say: why do you exist?

— Joe Dunthorne

“Her eyebrows were so blonde they were almost invisible, making it difficult for her to look angry, apologetic or quizzical.”

— Joe Dunthorne

“Ever since Jordana dumpled me, I've started feeling like a middle-aged person. I think it is to do with trauma. I just…

— Joe Dunthorne

“Are we making a bomb?" "This is a trust exercise, like in drama," she says. "Are we making a bomb as a…

— Joe Dunthorne

“Old people only say that life happens quickly to make themselves feel better. The truth is that it all happens in tiny…

— Joe Dunthorne

Most people think of themselves as individuals, that there's no one on the planet like them. This thought motivates them to get…

— Joe Dunthorne

I find that the only way to get through life is to picture myself in an entirely disconnected reality.

— Joe Dunthorne

“I tell myself not to feel sexually threatened. I am of no special interest; he could just as easily be angling for…

— Joe Dunthorne