Jay Mohr Quotes

21 quotes in 284 categories

• She's Cherokee Indian, which is great 'cause whenever we have sex, it rains.
• What bothers me most about today is that we're getting used 2 it. ENOUGH. 2nd amendment must go. Violence has 2 stop. Culture MUST change.
• You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day.
• Fantasy football is not only a good thing, but a great thing.
• I never minded George Steinbrenner spending obscene amounts of money to put the best product on the field.
• I hate golf. I do not understand how anyone can enjoy it, much less love it.
• I wonder why there is a designated hitter in baseball after all these years? As an experiment, it seemed like a swell enough idea, but…
• If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.
• If it has to sell its mascot, your team sucks.
• Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.
• True Yankees are born, not made.
• Why are baseball managers the only coaches who dress up like the players?
• When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them.
• I think golf is a waste of time and a waste of a sunny afternoon. I also stink at it. I have never found anything,…
• Not everyone likes sports. Gandhi and Malcolm X come to mind.
• I think I made a mistake once... yeah... it was only once.
• But if applause throws off your timing, then you're not the kind of comedian I would like to see. All you have to do is…
• I was the youngest kid on my street, the youngest comic in the clubs. I always felt like I was playing catch-up. I was very…
• I wasn't the guy everyone liked. I was the guy that wouldn't shut up.
• I'm oddly not competitive. What I love about show business is there is a home for everyone.

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