Jackie Mason Quotes
- I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
- Honesty is nothin' compared to decency.
- By these things examine thyself. By whose rules am I acting; in whose name; in whose strength; in whose glory? What faith, humility, self-denial, and…
- On the murder of New York deli owner Abe Lebewohl: It's almost like wiping out Carnegie Hall. A sandwich to a Jew is just as…
- I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.
- If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.
- I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.
- A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval.
- Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower…
- My comedy doesn't come from any calculations and studies.
- I can't pretend that I'm a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humour doesn't know what he's talking…
- I've been watching politics for 35 or 40 years and you just never know. You can have one person win the Iowa caucus and then…
- I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to.
- My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience…
- I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different…
- I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.
- A person who speaks good English in New York sounds like a foreigner.
- I didn't think it was fair to pretend to give of myself when I was so selfishly consumed with my own drives.
- Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
- Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?