Greg Giraldo Quotes
- If you're going to dedicate your career to ranting about the excesses of American capitalism, you probably shouldn't weigh 450 pounds.
- Some people say Larry the Cable Guy's only successful because he's pandering to the lowest common denominator, blatantly and not ironically exploiting people's racist and…
- Why do we need another station where everyone has a gun? We already have BET.
- In catholisism we have an entire religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story
- Jesse has opened for me extensively on the road so I’ve seen him do hundreds of sets. He is always super funny, has tons of…
- Valentine's day has gotten blown way out of proportion. Valentine's Day just used to be for your girlfriend or your wife but now everyone's like…
- The Japanese scientists just found a 25,000-year-old mammoth in the ice in Siberia, and they're about to clone it... You think the Japanese of all…
- "You're an old man who dresses like a Hooter's waitress."
- Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. If Bill Gates had got laid…
- Everybody thought that Titanic was the most romantic movie ever. A story about two teenagers who knew each other for three days. Try to make…
- It's all about self-esteem now. Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves. If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who's gonna dance…
- Little did I know that earning a living at stand-up is the hardest thing you can do. But once I started doing it, I just…
- There are no black people in Iraq, so how will they know who to shoot at?