George Mikes Quotes

71 quotes in 1187 categories

• I have often thought that the aim of port is to give you a good and durable hangover, so that during the next day you…
• A dog will flatter you but you have to flatter the cat.
• You can keep a dog: but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals.
• The trouble with tea is that originally it was quite a good drink. So a group of the most eminent British scientists put their heads…
• To be extravagant you need money. True. But you do not need your own money.
• Continental people have a sex life; the English have hot-water bottles.
• Travel' is the name of a modern disease which became rampant in themid-fifties and is still spreading. The disease - its scientific name is travelitis…
• An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one.
• THE British are brave people. They can face anything, except reality.
• In England it is bad manners to be clever, to assert something confidently. It may be your own personal view that two and two make…
• Remember that those five hundred words an average Englishman uses are far from being the whole vocabulary of the language. You may learn another five…
• Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the…
• When people say England, they sometimes mean Great Britain, sometimes the United Kingdom, sometimes the British Isles, - but never England.
• Television is of great educational value. It teaches you while still young how to (a) kill, (b) rob, (c) embezzle, (d) shoot, (e) poison, and,…
• It was decided almost two hundred years ago that English should be the language spoken in the United States. It is not known, however, why…
• The man who is not afraid of danger is not a hero, but a psychopath.
• Bargaining is a repulsive habit; compromise is one of the highest human virtues - the difference between the two being that the first is practised…
• A couple from Sydney or Melbourne might leave on the same day for their holiday: the wife might go sun-bathing at Surfers Paradise, in Queensland,…
• Australia objects to the mini-skirt not on moral but on economic grounds. Australians are no prudes and the lovely, healthy, sporty Australian girls have no…
• Australians are decent people with the right instincts and they wish everybody well; but if all is not well, it is none of their business…

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