Clive James Quotes

85 quotes in 1356 categories

• In between the Queen and the First Lady, Nancy Reagan, sat Tony Richardson, looking very calm. Later on it emerged that this was because, having… America
• "Nationwide" featured an amazing collection of apprentice impersonators. From all over Britain, schoolchildren materialised via local studios to give us their imitations of the mighty.… Accurate
• An education without a Bible education is no education. Bible
• Roscoe Tanner seems to have found a way of making his service go even faster, so that the ball is now quite invisible, like Stealth,… American
• Bjorn Borg looks like a hunchbacked, jut-bottomed version of Lizabeth Scott, impersonating a bearded Apache princess. Apache
• Jimmy Connors likes the ball to come at him in a straight line, so that he can hit it back in another straight line. When… Another Straight
• Like a Volvo, Bjorn Borg is rugged, has good after-sales service, and is very dull. Bjorn
• John McEnroe has hair like badly turned broccoli. Badly
• John McEnroe looks as if he is serving round the edge of an imaginary building. Building
• The Benson and Hedges Cup was won by McEnroe ... he was as charming as always, which means that he was as charming as a… Benson
• A loose horse is any horse sensible enough to get rid of its rider at an early stage and carry on unencumbered. Any
• They had a... dog called Bluey. A know psychopath, Bluey would attack himself if nothing else was available. Attack
• Murray sounds like a blindfolded man riding a unicycle on the rim of the pit of doom, the men actually facing the danger are all… Actually Facing
• Every sentence he manages to utter scatters its component parts like pond water from a verb chasing its own tail. Chasing
• Delivering the State of the Union? That bloke couldn't deliver pizza. Bloke
• A sceptic finds Dallas absurd. A cynic thinks the public doesn't Absurd
• His pear-shaped head, I could now see, was situated on top of a pear-shaped body, which his black gown caused to resemble a piece of… Black
• It is almost better to be an impulse shirt-buyer than an impulse shoe-buyer. I have worn shirts that made people think I was a retired… Almost Better
• The entrée wasn't tender enough to be a paving stone and the gravy couldn't have been primordial soup because morphogenesis was already taking place. Already Taking
• The repeat run of Fawlty Towers drew bigger audiences than ever and deservedly so. Statistical surveys reveal that only the television critic of The Spectator… Audience

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