““Meet someone who gives me a sweet map? Check. Enter roped off patch of greenery based on sweet map? Check. Find out said patch sucks me through the ground and ejects me into a deep swamp—which turns me green? Check. Realize “Blarjack” is a seaweed-dripping swamp monster? Check. Swim at Olympic pace then throw myself over the swamp bank? Roll down subsequent hill? Check and check. Hatch scary little Blarjack babies from my toenails in three days? No check. Yet.””
