I wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two million dollars. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
In my nostrils still lives the breath of flowers that perished twenty years ago. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
You can't keep a juvenile moral institution alive on two displays of its sash per year. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn't want to be seen with him in public. When I was… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There was a great difference in boats, of course. For a long time I was on a boat that was so slow… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Twenty-four years ago I was strangely handsome; in San Francisco in the rainy season I was often mistaken for fair weather. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I was born lazy. I am no lazier now than I was forty years ago, but that is because I reached the… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Methuselah lived to be 969 years old . You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than Methuselah… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
This is the year 1492. I am eighty-two years of age. The things I am going to tell you are things which… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Whatever a man's age, he can reduce it several years by putting a bright-colored flower in his button-hole. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didnt do than by the ones you did. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
When I was fourteen years old, I was amazed at how unintelligent my father was. By the time I turned twenty-one, I… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Time and tide wait for no man. A pompous and self-satisfied proverb, and was true for a billion years; but in our… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Annihilation has no terrors for me, because I have already tried it before I was born --a hundred million years --and I… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
July 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all the other days of the year put… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
My sister...was an interested and zealous invalid during sixty-five years, tried all the new diseases as fast as they came out, and… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Medicine has made all its progress during the past fifty years. ... How many operations that are now in use were known… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
You have noticed that the human being is a curiosity. In times past he has had (and worn out and flung away)… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There is in life only one moment and in eternity only one. It is so brief that it is represented by the… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I thought tamarinds were made to eat, but that was probably not the idea. I ate several, and it seemed to me… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
What is the most rigorous law of our being? Growth. No smallest atom of our moral, mental, or physical structure can stand… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I will now claim - until dispossesed - that I was the first person in the world to apply the typewriter to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Life was a fairy-tale, then, it is a tragedy now. When I was 43 and John Hay 41 he said life was… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore, in the… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Man has been here 32,000 years. That it took a hundred million years to prepare the world for him is proof that… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
It is not like studying German, where you mull along, in a groping, uncertain way, for thirty years; and at last, just… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The law of God, as quite plainly expressed in woman's construction is this: There shall be no limit put upon your intercourse… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If the world ends, I'll just head on down to Kentucky because they're always 20 years behind. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
When someone dies, it is like when your house burns down; it isn't for years that you realize the full extent of… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A gifted person ought to learn English (barring spelling and pronouncing) in thirty hours, French in thirty days, and German in thirty… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky, because everything there happens 20 years after it happens… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; ... I should be sorry to have… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth. — Mark Twain Copy Share
If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could… — Mark Twain Copy Share
“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before… — Mark Twain Copy Share
A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually… — Mark Twain Copy Share
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get… — Mark Twain Copy Share
The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get… — Mark Twain Copy Share
“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to… — Mark Twain Copy Share
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either… — Mark Twain Copy Share
If we could imagine such a man, that is a man who could invent the fly and send him out on his mission and… — Mark Twain Copy Share
You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly… — Mark Twain Copy Share
Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. — Mark Twain Copy Share
