In the midterm elections, a 102-year-old woman voted for the first time in a U.S. election. Unfortunately, she voted for Woodrow Wilson. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Facebook revamped its search feature. Now you can search for any post that has ever appeared on your page. It's helpful if… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
This year's Olympics will be replacing the women's beach volleyball bikinis with uniforms that are less revealing. The stricter dress code was… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Arnold Schwarzenegger is in trouble after tapes surfaced of him saying negative things about other Republicans. Actually the Schwarzenegger tapes surfaced last… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Pope Francis announced that next year he is coming to the United States, or as Fox News is reporting it, 'Obama lets… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
In the Year 2000 the discovery of extraterrestrial life will create a revolution in science, art, and pornography. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Hillary Clinton is trying an entirely different approach with Iowa than the one she tried eight years ago when she lost there.… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
One of the candidates running for governor is a 100-year-old woman. Yeah, the 100-year-old says she'd like to recall Governor Gray Davis,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
If I existed 200 years ago, all the other farmers in my community would be like, 'That guy is worthless! He's sitting… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Seriously, the Olympic badminton players were apparently trying to lose on purpose, a big story. But really, think about it, if you… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Some people are saying that the reason Michael Phelps isn't doing so well is because he let himself get too out of… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
I think the best thing I ever did was, years before I got the 'Late Night' show, when I first got out… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Hillary Clinton has reportedly accepted Barack Obama's offer to become secretary of state. That's what they're saying in the New York Times.… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Presidential campaign getting kind of ugly, did you hear about this? Yesterday, a 27-year-old woman came for to deny rumors that she… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Several hard-core Star Wars fans who had tickets for the first showing actually said that when the movie finally began, they started… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Big story at the Olympics regarding Michael Phelps. He stepped out with his girlfriend for the first time. She is a 25-year-old… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Bush got an early Christmas gift. This week, President Bush was chosen as 'Person of the Year' by Time magazine. Not… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
In his press conference last night, President Bush said he could not remember a single mistake he had made in the last… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A public relations firm said that rock star David Lee Roth owes them over $110,000. The strange thing is that it's the… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The U.S. unemployment rate is the lowest it's been in nearly seven years. The job sector that has seen the most growth… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Russia has named Vladimir Putin its man of the year for the 15th year in a row. Putin got 143 million votes… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here's the bad news. You just wasted it listening to this joke. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Time magazine announced its person of the year. It's health workers who treat Ebola. That's a person of the year. Time magazine… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Today in Washington, D.C., several government buildings were left without power. Of course, the White House will be without power for two… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Health officials are saying the number of measles cases that originated in Disneyland continues to grow. Which is why this year after… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new report says that last year Colorado collected $44 million in marijuana taxes. Unfortunately, they can't remember where they put it. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
California's 74-year-old Senator Barbara Boxer announced she will not run for re-election in 2016. When I saw the headline '74-Year-Old Boxer,' I… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
This is serious, if Martha gets the maximum sentence on all counts, she could serve 20 years in prison. Of course, you… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
In the Year 2000 men will finally discover that the reason women go to the bathroom in pairs... is to make out. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The Secret Service said there have been 40 fence-jumping incidents at the White House in the past five years. Half of them… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The New Oxford Dictionary has declared Sarah Palin's word 'refudiate' to be the 2010 Word of the Year. Palin was honored and… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't eligible… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Time magazine has selected their person of the year. Guess what, it's President-elect Barack Obama. Yeah, ironically, Ebony magazine announced their person… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Herman Cain compared his run for president to Moses leading his people out of Egypt. Cain said it took Moses 40 years… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
In the Year 2000 due to the declining number of champions in the world, Wheaties will change its slogan to 'Breakfast of… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
One's dream is constantly evolving, rising and falling, changing course. This happens in every job, but because I have worked in comedy… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Hillary Clinton is making income inequality a central theme in her campaign. Yeah, for example, today she pointed out that her husband… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A federal court has ruled that the U.S. Postal Service must reduce its stamp prices. The change in stamp prices is expected to affect… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share
NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share
People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share
A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share
Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share
The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share
LEGO has announced that they are shutting down their U.S. factory and moving it to Canada. LEGO employees say it's their fault because they… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share
A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share
Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets' doctor said,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share
President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share
The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share
“Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.” — Conan O'Brien Copy Share
John Travolta said he sometimes lets his friends take control of his airplane even though they don't know what they're doing. Then Travolta said… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share
President Obama filled in as the coach of his daughter Sasha's basketball team. Sasha evidently listened to her Dad, because all she did was… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share
President Obama and Vladimir Putin are both in China attending the same economic summit. Obama saw Putin and said, 'After those midterms, it's nice… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share
