Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, "Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England". — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. Not with Iraq. With France and Germany. How did we screw… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A new study found that people who are depressed have a greater risk of stroke. Well that should cheer them up. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Well, Joe Biden has done it again. He showed up at the White House Passover Seder with a bunch of ham sandwiches. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
One critic in the L.A. Times said John Kerry looks like he is thinking too much. Well this is one place President… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Yesterday, Saddam Hussein got 100 percent of the vote. Well, that's according to Saddam's campaign manager, Jeb Hussein. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Kerry is well on his way to reaching his magic number of 2,162. That's the total number of delegates he needs to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Well, the big story -- Hillary Clinton will be running for president in 2008. You know why I think she's running? I… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Actually, you know who gave the shortest inauguration speech in history? George Washington. It was only like three minutes long. Well, sure.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Well, there's a bright side to this for Ken Lay. You know, throughout the years Ken Lay has been a big campaign… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry has apologized for saying those who do not study hard and do their homework will get stuck in Iraq. Now,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In Chicago some anti-Mitt Romney protesters told reporters they're being paid to protest. They said they're being paid by Democrats to stand… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There's all this talk about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Well, you know where he is now? Visiting Mexico, which I think means that he… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
But the good news, the crime rate is down. Isn't that amazing? Less banks are being robbed. Well, sure. A, there's less… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The other day the plane that Barack Obama was on had some mechanical difficulties and was forced to land. Well, the National… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The New York Times is reporting that back in the '60s, presidential candidate Howard Dean used a letter from a doctor about… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry fell off of his bicycle over the weekend. He went for a Sunday afternoon ride, fell off in front of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In Afghanistan, U.S. troops are now holding an American man who has been fighting alongside the Taliban. His mother says he was… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
This week the White House proposed fingerprinting and photographing foreign visitors so they can do background checks. Officials in Saudi Arabia said… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Well, all across the country, this is kind of sad, unemployment offices are swamped with people waiting to file for unemployment insurance.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Well, Harry Reid and other members of congress, they're just furious over this Olympic uniform deal. He says we should burn the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Well, it looks like John Boehner will be the new Speaker of the House. He is the son of a bartender, one… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A team of British lawyers has now concluded that the Declaration of Independence was illegal, and the American colonies had no right… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Oil prices jumped to well over $100 a barrel, and analysts say it's due to tension in the Middle East. So, luckily,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Well, 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' is back - not for gays in the military. It's President Obama's new policy for questions about… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Yesterday all five living presidents gathered for the opening of the George W. Bush presidential library in Dallas. Well, six living presidents… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to federal reports filed yesterday, the Obama campaign spent more money than they raised in the month of May. They spent… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Nike actually has a pair of shoes called Air-Turbulence. Try getting past airline security wearing those. Might as well call them Air-Osama. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Democrats say that President Bush doesn't have an exit strategy for Iraq. Of course he does. If things don't go well,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
As you may have heard, the U.S. is putting together a constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? Think… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The French announced today that they would not help us remove Saddam from Iraq. Well Duh! They didn't even help us remove… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to The Washington Post, the NSA has been monitoring phone calls and emails of people in Mexico. So apparently it's not… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Mitt Romney is predicting that as president, he will create 12 million jobs in his first term. Well, President Obama says a… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Jesse Jackson's wife was arrested in Puerto Rico while protesting the naval bombings there. Jesse said he was holding a meeting with… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush said this Iraq situation looks like 'the rerun of a bad movie.' Well sure, there's a Bush in the White… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bill Clinton is the only ex-president who hasn't planned his own funeral. But, in his defense, in the past he has said… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
It was reported in the paper that President Bush received a 'warm reception' from the Daytona 500 drivers. Well sure, the drivers… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama's re-election campaign said that this year they'll knock on 150 percent more doors than they did in 2008. Well, of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
It seems that England's royal family is running out of money. They are down to just $1.6 million. Well sure, that's what… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Here is your government at work. A congressman from Colorado said he wants to draft a rule that would make it unethical to have… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Right afterwards, she'll get out… — Jay Leno Copy Share
