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Week Quotes by Jay Leno

40 Week quotes by Jay Leno

All Week quotes Jay Leno’s page

French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, setting a serious tone for the news. Leno then jokes about everyday mishaps, like people losing remote controls many times a week and politicians slipping on bikes. He also pokes fun at political headlines, from concealed vocabularies to Twitter messages from presidents.

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Last week convicted Enron crook Ken Lay died of a heart attack. They announced they were going to cremate him. Where he's…

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A new medical study reports that men who eat ten pizzas a week are less likely to develop prostate problems at age…

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Actually, Joe Biden looked pretty good. In fact, Joe's popularity has gone from 1% to 2% last week to 3% today. At…

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Rick Perry told reporters this week that he has a permit to carry a concealed handgun. He also has a concealed vocabulary,…

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John Kerry met with Ralph Nader last week. Both sides of every issue were discussed. And then, Nader spoke.

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The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest…

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55% of all Americans lose their remote control 5 times a week. That means that they must see the same show for…

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Gray Davis got some good news this week: the Clintons are out here in California campaigning for him. Actually, Hillary is campaigning…

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A dead body was discovered this week on the grounds of a country estate owned by Queen Elizabeth. The queen said today…

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John Kerry's wife Teresa Heinz is on the cover of Newsweek magazine this week and they said that if he is elected…

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John Kerry keeping a low profile this week. He said he wanted to get away and go someplace where no one would…

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President Obama announced this week that he is going to start sending out his own messages personally on Twitter. And today Anthony…

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Former Enron CEO Jeffrey Skilling appeared before Congress. Do you think they even bothered swearing him in? Now he is denying he…

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The White House is defending President Obama's sports activities over the past week, saying that everyone needs leisure time. Thanks to these…

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President Obama admitted this week that a former girlfriend that he wrote about in his autobiography was made up and not a…

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As you know, John McCain is an older, white-haired man who has been in the Senate for over twenty years, voted for…

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The CEO of Enron, Jeffrey Skilling, married one of the Enron secretaries this week. It's amazing how romantic these Enron guys can…

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French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too soon. The French are acting as advisers to the Taliban,…

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According to a survey in this week's Time magazine, 85% of Americans think global warming is happening. The other 15% work for…

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Sixty years ago this week Hitler invaded Poland. This led to the creation of The History Channel.

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John Kerry announced that he and his wife are leaving on a week-long vacation. He's going to take her back to the…

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This Osama bin Laden guy, spoiled rich kid worth $300M. I have three words for this guy: Anna Nicole Smith. We send…

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Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said this week there's a good chance we never get bin Laden. bin Laden! We couldn't even get…

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The White House is now urging Americans not to 'read too much' into last week's jobs report. In fact, they said it…

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This is my favorite story of the week. The Republican National Committee is in trouble after spending nearly $2,000 at a bondage…

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Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry came down pretty hard on fellow candidate Howard Dean this weekend. After Dean misspoke several times, Kerry…

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Is it me or is Bush going everywhere Kerry goes? So far in the past week, President Bush has followed John Kerry…

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More and more details coming out now about spoiled rich kid Osama bin Laden. Time reports this week he was one of…

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Yesterday, President-elect Barack Obama announced his new economic team. You know what he should do? Hire those people who were in charge…

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This week the White House proposed fingerprinting and photographing foreign visitors so they can do background checks. Officials in Saudi Arabia said…

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You see the pictures in the paper today of John Kerry windsurfing? He's at his home in Nantucket this week, doing his…

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In an unlikely pairing, Hillary Clinton made an appearance this week with Newt Gingrich to push a health care plan. The press…

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John Kerry suspended his campaign for five days this week in honor of President Reagan. And right now, he's ahead in the…

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President Bush went out touting his economic record in Ohio last week. Now this is a state that lost 225,000 jobs since…

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It happened again this week. Hundreds of people had to be evacuated from O'Hare Airport in Chicago. Seems every time somebody went…

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President Obama is currently on a week-long trip to Africa, where he will promote freedom, democracy, and economic opportunity. I guess he…

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President Bush fell off his mountain bike down on his ranch in Texas. A couple weeks ago, John Kerry fell off his…

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As if this whole thing isn't confusing enough, election officials announced this week that the alphabet on the ballot will begin with…

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Enron's president, Ken Lay, passed away last week. So, I guess even God lost money on that Enron deal. I believe the…

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Rick Perry was philosophical about (his election losses). He said, 'Last week was Iowa. Yesterday was New Hampshire. ' He said at…

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More by Jay Leno

If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong.

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends…

Michael Jackson has a new baby boy; no word yet who the father is.

There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't…

“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn…

Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.…

American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade…

I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet…

Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just…

You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.

The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet…

The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of…

Here is your government at work. A congressman from Colorado said he wants to draft a rule that would make it unethical to have…

Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going…

Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Right afterwards, she'll get out…

Jay Leno Quotes About:

President Quotes 197
Trump Quotes 163
Said Quotes 140
Knows Quotes 110
Ifs Quotes 109
People Quotes 107
Today Quotes 83
President bush Quotes 77
Thinking Quotes 73
President obama Quotes 67