It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, "if you want it your way, cook it yourself." — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I play my life straight - the way I see it. I'm grateful to audiences for watching me and for enjoying what… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I couldn't care less what anybody says about me. I live my life, especially my personal life, strictly for myself… Whatever you… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
It was so hot today I saw a robin dipping his worm in Nestea.It was so hot today I saw a pigeon… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not,… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
It's silly to have as one's sole object in life just making money, accumulating wealth. I work because I enjoy what I'm doing, and… — Johnny Carson Copy Share
The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds. — Johnny Carson Copy Share
I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over. — Johnny Carson Copy Share
From the time I was a little kid, I was always shy. Performing was when I was outgoing. So I guess I am a… — Johnny Carson Copy Share
I'm often asked, "What is your favorite moment during the 30 years you hosted [The Tonight Show]?" I really don't have just one. The… — Johnny Carson Copy Share
For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off. — Johnny Carson Copy Share
Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money. — Johnny Carson Copy Share
Ronald Reagan just signed the new tax law. But I think he was in Hollywood too long. He signed it, 'Best wishes, Ronald Reagan.' — Johnny Carson Copy Share
The good news is that the president gets another chance. The bad news is that he'll be two weeks older. — Johnny Carson Copy Share
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. — Johnny Carson Copy Share
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. — Johnny Carson Copy Share
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself. — Johnny Carson Copy Share
