BP CEO Tony Hayward said he would just like to get his life back. He wants to get his life back. You… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama wants to raise taxes on the country's richest people. And you thought Donald Trump hated him before. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
It turns out Enron workers were not only shredding documents at work, they were having sex at work. Having sex and shredding… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Nissan is designing a car that will read the driver's mind. I already know what I'm going to do. I want a… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
People want to say there isn't racial profiling at the airport, but let's be honest. If you first name is Mohammed, and… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry said today he wants to debate President Bush once a month. Hey good luck, if Bush couldn't make it to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I love all these politicians, they all say the same thing - 'We'll give California back to the people.' Yeah, great, now… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don't want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they'll just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Well, the big story -- Hillary Clinton will be running for president in 2008. You know why I think she's running? I… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Like in [the 1950s] if you wanted to ruin someone´s career in Hollywood you claimed he was a Communist. Nowadays, you want… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In an interview with Univision, President Obama said if there's one thing he's learned, it's that you can't change Washington from within.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry says that he wants to debate President Bush once a month until the election. This could be a risky move… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I flew this past weekend. I went through airport security and said to the guy, 'Is everything okay?' He said, 'You might… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
California Governor Gray Davis visited an elementary school here in Los Angeles where he taught a class. I don't want to say… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Arnold Schwarzenegger has still not officially bowed out of this race. It looks like he's not gonna run. But I'll tell ya,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In Afghanistan, U.S. troops are now holding an American man who has been fighting alongside the Taliban. His mother says he was… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The federal government said today they've begun training sessions for airport security workers to provide what they call more customer satisfaction to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama's been reaching out to Iran, reaching out to Cuba, reaching out to Latin America. The only place he can't seem… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Climate experts say we should tell villagers in developing countries to reduce the amount of cooking smoke they generate to help fix… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was to be an Olympic athlete. But she was not athletic enough. She said she… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to a new study, 63% of men surveyed said they like to settle an argument by having sex. The other 37%… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I was going to start off tonight with an Obama joke, but I don't want to get audited by the IRS. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Starbuck's is going to start selling instant coffee. This is for people who want the quality of Sanka, but want to pay… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Valentines day are coming up and a German company has made chokolate in shapes of couples making love. I don't like them...… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
What's going on with the Oakland Raiders? You know, I don't want to say the Raiders are bad, but you know, now,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I don't know why people are surprised the French don't want to help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry said today that he wants to get rid of tax cuts for the rich and his wife said, 'Hey, shut… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama wants Congress to increase the minimum wage. Believe me, when it comes to doing the minimum for their wage, Congress… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Some members of Congress now are complaining they are underpaid. They want to propose a pay raise. You can't blame them. A… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I don't want to say Gray Davis is on the run, but today he released an audiotape on the Al Jazeera network… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The new specialty at the Iowa fair this year is fried butter on a stick. Of course, if you're like me and… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush spoke with the Amish. He didn't want to, but it was the only group he could find that wasn't upset… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Houston Astros want to change the name of Enron Field where they play. I guess the Enron name could cause problems… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
As we head to war with Iraq, President Bush wants to make one thing clear: This war is not about oil. It's… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A survey asked married women when they most want to have sex. 84 per cent of them said right after their husband… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If President Obama really wants to hurt the Syrian government, don't send cruise missiles. He should send over some of his economic… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Rick Perry unveiled his new tax plan. He says he wants a flat tax. He believes that tax should be flat, just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Supporters of Osama bin Laden want to rename the Arabian Sea after bin Laden's death. They want to call it "Martyr's Sea."… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Here is your government at work. A congressman from Colorado said he wants to draft a rule that would make it unethical to have… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Right afterwards, she'll get out… — Jay Leno Copy Share
![“Like in [the 1950s] if you wanted to ruin someone´s career in Hollywood you claimed he was a Communist. Nowadays, you want to ruin someone´s career in Hollywood, you claim they are Republican.” quote by Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2d1/jay-leno-210_careers_like-in-the-1950s-if-you-wanted-to-ruin_2539882.png)
