“How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to e-mail you the remaining eighty-six photos of my dog dressed as a bear?” — David Thorne Copy Share Image
You can't trust girls. When I get a girlfriend I am not going to tell her where I live or work. — David Thorne Copy Share
“I was taught never to make a threat unless you are prepared to carry it out and I am not a fan of carrying… — David Thorne Copy Share
“If you had managed to persuade my mother not to procreate, I would not exist to send you the plans for constructing your own… — David Thorne Copy Share
“Charity is detrimental unless it helps the recipient become independent of it.” — David Thorne Copy Share
“I do not own any camping gear, but this is not a problem, as I have watched every season of Survivor.” — David Thorne Copy Share
“In my country, terawatt globes are reserved for police helicopter chases and warning sailors of hazardous shoals. This is despite the fact that practically… — David Thorne Copy Share
Without a concise set of rules to follow we would probably all have to resort to common sense — David Thorne Copy Share
“While I do not have a boyfriend, I do have a friend who is homosexual and I once asked him "Do you ever think… — David Thorne Copy Share
“The four seasons in Australia consist of "fuck it's hot," "Can you believe how fucking hot it is?", "I won't be in today because… — David Thorne Copy Share
“I was commissioned to write copy for an annual publication produced by Top Tourist Parks of Australia. After a print run of seventy-five thousand… — David Thorne Copy Share
I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. — David Thorne Copy Share
“Is the guy in the wheelchair in Glee acting or is he a real parallelogram?” — David Thorne Copy Share
Do you ever think about having sex with Rosie O'Donnell because you are straight? Same thing. — David Thorne Copy Share
“I understand the need for conformity. Without a concise set of rules to follow we would probably all have to resort to common sense.… — David Thorne Copy Share
