There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I was a-trembling, because I'd got to decide, forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If there was two birds sitting on a fence, he would bet you which one would fly first. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There are two things nobody should ever have to watch being made, sausage and laws. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two million dollars. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If we were meant to talk more than listen, we would have two mouths and one ear. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There are only two types of speakers in the world. 1. The nervous and 2. Liars. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Is it, perhaps, possible that there are two kinds of Civilization-one for home consumption and one for the heathen market? — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I don't know anything about this man. Anyhow, I only know two things about him. One is, he has never been in… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, one when he was a boy and one when he… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Delicacy - a sad, sad false delicacy - robs literature of the two best things among its belongings: Family-circle narratives and obscene… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A man can be a Christian or a patriot, but he can't legally be a Christian and a patriot - except in… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The two Great Unknowns, the two Illustrious Conjecturabilities! They are the best known unknown persons that have ever drawn breath upon the… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
This is the year 1492. I am eighty-two years of age. The things I am going to tell you are things which… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The two Testaments are interesting, each in its own way. The Old one gives us a picture of these people's Deity as… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Does the human being reason? No; he thinks, muses, reflects, but does not reason...that is, in the two things which are the… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A pilot must have a memory developed to absolute perfection. But there are two higher qualities which he also must have. He… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The observance of Thanksgiving Day-as a function-has become general of late years. The Thankfulness is not so general. This is natural. Two-thirds… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If the bubble reputation can be obtained only at the cannon's mouth, I am willing to go there for it, provided the… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Why was the human race created? Or at least why wasn't something creditable created in place of it? God had His opportunity.… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The editor of a newspaper cannot be independent, but must work with one hand tied behind him by party and patrons, and… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The election makes me think of a story of a man who was dying. He had only two minutes to live, so… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Beautiful credit! The foundation of modern society. Who shall say that this is not the golden age of mutual trust, of unlimited… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The Bible is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
As by the fires of experience, so by commission of crime you learn real morals. Commit all crimes, familiarize yourself with all… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore, in the… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiments have proven to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Water is an individual, an animal, and is alive, remove the hydrogen and it is an animal and is alive; the remaining… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I will now claim - until dispossesed - that I was the first person in the world to apply the typewriter to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The Germans have an inhuman way of cutting up their verbs. Now a verb has a hard time enough of it in… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
You can't keep a juvenile moral institution alive on two displays of its sash per year. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There are two types of speakers: those that are nervous and those that are liars. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There are two reasons why anybody buys anything. The real reason, and the reason they give you. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Of the demonstrably wise there are but two: those who commit suicide, & those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied with drink. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Learning to play two pairs is worth about as much as a college education, and about as costly. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If you want me to give you a two-hour presentation, I am ready today. If you want only a five-minute speech, it… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth. — Mark Twain Copy Share
If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could… — Mark Twain Copy Share
“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before… — Mark Twain Copy Share
A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually… — Mark Twain Copy Share
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get… — Mark Twain Copy Share
The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get… — Mark Twain Copy Share
“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to… — Mark Twain Copy Share
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either… — Mark Twain Copy Share
If we could imagine such a man, that is a man who could invent the fly and send him out on his mission and… — Mark Twain Copy Share
You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly… — Mark Twain Copy Share
Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. — Mark Twain Copy Share
