You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
My buddy Tim Bass he's a-workin' pumpin gas, and he makes two fifty for an hour. He's got rhythm in his hands… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Yes, it seems that as the President (George W. Bush) comes to the end of his two terms, he's finally realized the… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
What's with the poverty Tourette's? Why do these two think we need a hobo for president? — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays, so there is a plural, which in the English language necessitates the use… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't particularly enjoy those types of interviews, because I have a great respect for Senator McCain, and I hate the idea… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The trial of Enron chiefs Jeffrey Skilling and Ken Lay began four-and-a-half years after perpetrating -- allegedly -- the fraud that led… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The conversation that the Senate and the House are having with the President [Barack Obama] was very similar to the conversation that… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The United States Central Command of the Armed Forces has asked Geraldo Rivera to leave Iraq. It should also be noted that… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The reason I don’t worry about society is, nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands. Hundreds of people ran into… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
[When you have kids] you become much more - there are two things that happen. You recognize how fragile individuals are, and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
In fourteen hundred ninety-two Columbus sailed the ocean blue and discovered America. Now, some have argued Columbus actually discovered the West Indies,… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The Republican party is the party of nostalgia. It seeks to return America to a simpler, more innocent and moral past that… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The White House released documents it claims validates the president's (National Guard) service ... When deciphered the documents showed that in a… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You talk about the Pro-Life movement being one of the great shames of our nation. I think, if you want number two,… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Planet Hollywood has shrunk from seventy-five locations around the world to just over thirty-five over the past two years. No new Planet… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just walk up to people… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them. — Jon Stewart Copy Share
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla. — Jon Stewart Copy Share
While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart Copy Share
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. — Jon Stewart Copy Share
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.'… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
We're going to do a challenge. I'm going to try and download every movie ever made and you are going to try to sign… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom - it's… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We don't you know, it's interesting. I think we don't… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
![“The conversation that the Senate and the House are having with the President [Barack Obama] was very similar to the conversation that [John] McCain and I were having, which was two people talking over each other and nobody really addressing the underlying issues of what kind of country do we want…” quote by Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5c0/jon-stewart-455_barack_the-conversation-that-the-senate-and-the_3000209.jpg)
![“[When you have kids] you become much more - there are two things that happen. You recognize how fragile individuals are, and you recognize the strength of the general overall group, but you don't care anymore. You're just fighting for the one thing. See and then, you also recognize that everybody…” quote by Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/014/jon-stewart-455_care_when-you-have-kids-you-become-much-more_1651788.jpg)
