The good news is, President Obama was born in America. The bad news is, so was Donald Trump. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Romney raised $10 million. That’s a dollar for every position he’s had on healthcare. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Really? Anyone intimidated by Barack Obama? He can't even keep Joe Biden in line. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Howard Dean dropped out of the race today. At least he can't claim his voice wasn't heard. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The big winner last night in New Hampshire - Senator John Kerry. He won 39 percent of the vote, which is pretty… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Republicans are calling the Bush-Cheney ticket the 'Wizard of Oz' ticket. One needs a heart and the other needs a brain. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Over in Iraq after you vote they paint your finger purple so you can't vote again. It's a flawless system. It works… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry speaks French fluently. Democrats are saying he's one in a million. A war hero who speaks French, isn't it more… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Gray Davis got some good news this week: the Clintons are out here in California campaigning for him. Actually, Hillary is campaigning… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You know what you call the two winners of that $580 million PowerBall lottery? ... Former Democrats — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You know who Boehner is, right? He's that orange looking guy. See, for Republicans that counts as diversity. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Pundits are saying that President Obama is starting to lose support among his own party. To give you an idea of how… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The White House has finally found one guy that kinda remembers serving with President Bush in the National Guard. Now they just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Al Gore has found a new job. He is going to teach journalism at Columbia University, which is ironic isn't it? The… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You see the pictures in the paper today of John Kerry windsurfing? He's at his home in Nantucket this week, doing his… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
As you may have heard, former President Bill Clinton says he's coming here to California to help Governor Gray Davis in his… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Barack Obama's daughters are very smart. They told him they will take the same responsibility for the dog that he is taking… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President-elect Barack Obama is starting to get an idea of just how hard his new job is going to be. Today, he… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush's campaign is now attacking John Kerry for throwing away some of his medals to protest the Vietnam War. Bush did… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
While visiting Kenya, former President Clinton was offered 40 goats and 20 cows for his daughter, Chelsea, by a love struck government… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry is recovering nicely after having prostate surgery. But the doctors did tell him it would be several months before he… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In an interview with Rolling Stone, Senator John Kerry, who is running for president, said that when he voted for the war… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was to be an Olympic athlete. But she was not athletic enough. She said she… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
So, Wesley Clark is running for president. Pretty amazing guy. Four star general, first in his class at West Point, supreme commander… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Inauguration Security was tighter than Kirstie Alley in a pair of spandex pants. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Howard Dean was endorsed by Al Gore. Now, if Dean could get Gray Davis to campaign for him, that would put him… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Casey Anthony was found not guilty. This means that President Obama’s economic team is only the second-most clueless group in America. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree...and think 25 to life would be appropriate. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama’s approval ratings are so low now, Kenyans are accusing him of being born in the United States. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I think Donald Trump and Jeb Bush are the frontrunners. It's kind of like the race between the tortoise and the bad… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Actually, Joe Biden looked pretty good. In fact, Joe's popularity has gone from 1% to 2% last week to 3% today. At… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
When a candidate walks away from a reality show, that's when you know they're serious about being president of the United States. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Yesterday all five living presidents gathered for the opening of the George W. Bush presidential library in Dallas. Well, six living presidents… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A new poll shows that Americans now believe that Bill Clinton is more honest than President Bush. At least when Clinton screwed… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump says he’s President Obama’s worst nightmare. That’s not true. Having to make a decision is Obama’s worst nightmare. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
When President Chirac gave [President] Bush a souvenir statue of the Eiffel Tower... Bush said 'This is great! A little oil rig!' — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Here is your government at work. A congressman from Colorado said he wants to draft a rule that would make it unethical to have… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Right afterwards, she'll get out… — Jay Leno Copy Share
![“When President Chirac gave [President] Bush a souvenir statue of the Eiffel Tower... Bush said 'This is great! A little oil rig!'” quote by Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ad7/jay-leno-210_bush_when-president-chirac-gave-president-bus_3216011.png)