This morning my dad called me up and said, 'So, tonight's your last show, huh.' And I said, 'No, Dad, that's someone… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
We have first lady Michelle Obama on the show tonight. As you'd expect, security's been pretty tight. On my way in I… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
People ask me, Jimmy, howd you get here tonight. Lets just say it involved a two-hour make-out session with Elaine Stritch. It… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
You've never had a job that you thought was secure. You don't think the Tonight Show is risk free. Especially when you… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
The 'Tonight Show' didn't seem like an actual job that you could have. All you remember is you watched Johnny Carson, and… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
When I was a kid, you would tune in to 'The Tonight Show' before you went to sleep. Johnny Carson. A big… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Jim Gilmore was the only GOP candidate not invited to the Republican debates tonight, but I saw that he actually planned to… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I'm so excited. Jay Leno is on the show tonight. He brought some really funny jokes and some great stories. Although I'm… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A new survey found that 12 percent of parents punish their kids by banning social networking sites. The other 88 percent punish their kids… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share
I read that as marijuana legalization becomes more popular, it could affect the jobs of drug-sniffing dogs. Or as those dogs put it, 'Thanks,… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share
NASA is developing space taxis to shuttle astronauts to the International Space Station. And just like New York taxis, they're all going to be… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share
In a recent attack ad, the NRA claims that President Obama cares about his own children more than he cares about other children. In… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share
After Donald Trump wrote Lindsey Graham's cellphone number on a piece of paper and showed it to everybody, Graham said he's getting a new… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share
Yesterday on CNN, Joe Biden said he hasn't made up his mind about whether he'll run for president in 2016. Which raises the question:… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share
A clothing company is making T-shirts inspired by Bernie Sanders with messages like 'Feel the Bern.' They were gonna make them for Lincoln Chafee… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share
Arizona just became the 15th state to approve medical marijuana. So I give it three days before they stop caring about the whole immigration… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share
I became a Yankees fan for a few years. But now, I gotta say, I'm really rooting for the Red Sox. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share
My dream was to grow up and get a job at IBM, like my dad. That seemed like a logical dream. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share
The federal government is starting to plan for climate change by making extended forecasts that can help people plan for extreme weather - because… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share
Yesterday, the Supreme Court spent over an hour listening to arguments on whether Obamacare is unconstitutional. Yeah, listening to arguments about Obamacare for an… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share
A massive power outage in Washington, D.C., today affected a number of federal buildings, including the White House. When asked when they could restore… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share
There's always going to be someone out there... who doesn't believe in you or who thinks your head is too big or you're not… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share
Despite Russia's move to raise interest rates this week, the value of the ruble has continued to crash. Russia's economy is so bad, Edward… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share
