The only reason I'd bring a Bible out here is if I needed toilet paper. — Rudy Boesch Copy Share Image
There is nothing as disgusting as the feeling you get the moment that your finger breaks through the toilet paper. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“If a man changes a toilet paper roll & no one is around to see it, did it really happen? #Mancode question… — Rachel Thompson Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you're at the gas station restroom and there is no toilet paper... — Epifania Savea Copy Share Image
“I make love like a brick could be used as toilet paper. Sure, it’s rough, but I thought you liked that shit. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a forest, I think as I kill trees by squandering toilet paper while “decorating” my ex girlfriend’s front yard.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
Fuck underrated, I'm constipated. I'm shittin' on 'em, fuck toilet paper. — Ace Hood Copy Share Image
Is your ass jealous of all the shit that's coming out of your mouth, ha! Get some toilet paper for it bitch! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I was younger I was told to lose some weight because I was a little bit chubbier, but I didn't dream… — Vogue Williams Copy Share Image
People don't think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationary store with Danish. You want… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Do you have someone watching her house?” (Stephanie) “That kind of surveillance only happens in the movies. We’re so underbudgeted we’re one… — Janet Evanovich Copy Share Image
When I was on the swim team as a kid, I used to hide out from my coach by going into the… — Jeff Kinney Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as toilet paper—especially if you just shit a brick. You could shit and wipe your way to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
Don't let yourself fall into 'empty.' Keep cash in the house. Keep gas in your tank. Keep an extra roll of toilet… — Gretchen Rubin Copy Share Image
If the entire week is a battlefield, reading the Bible is sort of like that parachute with the box of reserves that… — Lauryn Hill Copy Share Image
“Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food,… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“You hear even a hint that a blizzard’s coming, Roxanne Giselle, you go straight to the store and buy toilet paper, you… — Kristen Ashley Copy Share Image
I kind of have a strange addiction to hair dryers. Like on the TV show, where they eat toilet paper or eat… — Julia Fox Copy Share Image
When you consider all the writers who never even had a machine. Who would have given an eyeball for a good typewriter.… — Sam Shepard Copy Share Image
“As Melvin Laird, his Defense Secretary, recalled, "Every effort was made to create an economic boom for the 1972 election. The Defense… — James T. Patterson Copy Share Image
“No powdery residue. But definitely suspicious. Smell." He slides a makeup catalog from beneath a microscope made out of a plate, a… — Sarah Ockler Copy Share Image
My ritual it's kind of an involuntary ritual. I lie awake the night before, worrying about award ceremony. Try and think of… — Tony Shalhoub Copy Share Image
You notice how they always put the fruit and veg at the entrance to the supermarket? You go in thinking 'this is… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
“But in doing so—moving forward, in Greta’s mind—he’s still dealing with the past. It’s always strung out behind us, innit, attached to… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“But I’m going to need you to love me on the bus, dude. And first thing in the morning. Also, when I’m… — Samantha Irby Copy Share Image
“Two homeless men were asleep on picnic tables. I had become very good at not looking at unpleasant things. I could skip… — Stephanie Danler Copy Share Image
“Stop making excuses for them. … They have eyes! They can see that the toilet paper roll needs changing and the wastebasket… — Jeanne Ray Copy Share Image
“Are you hooked on the surface wipes, like Lysol or Clorox wipes? Save the container. Take a roll of good paper towels… — Kelly Sangree Copy Share Image
“How did you get my number anyway?” “Some asshole named Nash.” “Asshole?” “Yeah, asshole. Don’t tell me you don’t think he’s an… — M. Leighton Copy Share Image
“Life is wonderful and strange...and it’s also absolutely mundane and tiresome. It’s hilarious and it’s deadening. It’s a big, screwed-up morass of… — Anthony Doerr Copy Share Image
“People always want to know what it feels like, so I’ll tell you: there’s a sting when you first slice, and then… — Jodi Picoult Copy Share Image
“I am a writer who does not enjoy writing. I can find innumerable ways to avoid it. But, to rip off Dorothy… — Adrienne Martini Copy Share Image
