Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect." — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Some people give you that motivation to work harder simply to get the hell away from wherever they are. — Dane Cook Copy Share
Every great thing starts with an idea, followed by a doubt and finally a resolve to abandon or pursue. Victory is a treacherous journey. — Dane Cook Copy Share
My real first job was delivering newspapers with I was 15. I would ride my bike around and chuck papers at people's houses. The… — Dane Cook Copy Share
I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and… — Dane Cook Copy Share
If you think your demeanor is mellow or not particularly charismatic, the material can life you higher. So write everyday, and get onstage or… — Dane Cook Copy Share
If you lie to a person at least tell someone else you've lied to the truth. It balances out your karma. — Dane Cook Copy Share
Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever. — Dane Cook Copy Share
In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak. — Dane Cook Copy Share
Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes. — Dane Cook Copy Share
I can't relate to the idea of suicide. I guess I'm just one of those people that is always optimistic and upbeat. But one… — Dane Cook Copy Share
Someone needs to make a zombie movie where when you get bit it turns you into a singing and dancing extraordinaire. — Dane Cook Copy Share
