“Aaarrggg, ahoy me matey, thars a great grand vagina over yonder." Penises talk like pirates when I'm drunk.” — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“Wow, she doesn't have any bones. Like, at all. Where the f*ck are her bones? Am I still drunk? Did I sleep with a blow-up doll? Again? I pealed my eyes open one at a time so the rays of… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“Are you really going back there with me?" I ask. "Hell yes I am. Your wish is finally coming true. I will see your… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“No one likes an ugly crier. It's uncomfortable for all parties involved.” — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“I just wanted to hear him speak again. His voice made me want to take my pants off.” — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“It’s totally fine,” I explained to Liz as she paced back and forth behind the couch. “She’s totally housebroken. She’ll go to the door… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do, watcha gonna do when they cut your wiener,” Gavin sang as he pointed his gun at random… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“If I keep sampling the goods like this my ass is going to grow another cheek to make room for all the fat.” — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“He picks up one of the tests and pretends like he's Harry Potter, aiming the test at random objects around the small bathroom yelling,… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“It's going down, and it's going down right the fuck now. I don’t care if there is a room full of witnesses” — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“Dude, he put ass cream on his face. You do know I’m going to have to start calling your son Ass Face now, right?”… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“I'm going to put corn and hot sauce on your wiener, and then I'll hit you in the face with it. Hit you in… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“I have a dream. And in this dream I’m under the covers in bed, just a few scant inches away from Carter’s body. I… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“Everett was wrong when he said nothing will change between us. This moment, right here…it changes everything . And it’s about damn time.” — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
