President Bush said global warming is happening much quicker than he thought, and then his staff pulled him aside and said 'It's… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
When they said "Make love, not war" at Woodstock, they never imagined that one would become as dangerous as the other. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush and Bill Clinton both agree that cloning is morally wrong. Clinton said that he thinks humans should be made the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Hillary Clinton said she hopes America is ready for a woman in the Oval Office. That was the great thing about her… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to CNN, Donald Rumsfeld said the war in Iraq did not go according to plan. And President Bush said, 'What? We… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A Newsweek poll said if the election were held today, John Kerry would beat Bush 49 percent to 46 percent. And today,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Warren Buffett's company reportedly owes the IRS a billion dollars in back taxes. When he said he wasn't paying enough taxes, he… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry said today he wants to debate President Bush once a month. Hey good luck, if Bush couldn't make it to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush said that American workers will need new skills to get the new jobs in the 21st century. Some of the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Today the Justice Department released e-mails where Walker criticized America. In the e-mails he said he never wanted to set foot in… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
At the G-20 summit, the White House accidentally listed a phone-sex line for journalists seeking an on-record briefing call for Secretary of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Today the Secretary of State said that of the 247 candidates, so far 115 of them have been certified. How embarrassing is… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Barack Obama said yesterday that the economy was 'going to get worse before it gets better.' See, that's when you know the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In Afghanistan, U.S. troops are now holding an American man who has been fighting alongside the Taliban. His mother says he was… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A dead body was discovered this week on the grounds of a country estate owned by Queen Elizabeth. The queen said today… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In Chicago some anti-Mitt Romney protesters told reporters they're being paid to protest. They said they're being paid by Democrats to stand… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Alaska Governor Sarah Palin pardoned a turkey, though she said she was amazed to find out that, besides being a bird, Turkey… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In an interview with Rolling Stone, Senator John Kerry, who is running for president, said that when he voted for the war… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The CEO of Enron, Jeffrey Skilling, married one of the Enron secretaries this week. It's amazing how romantic these Enron guys can… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
It seems The Journal of Neurology reports that the longer you smoke, the less likely you are to develop Parkinson's disease. So… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to a new study, 63% of men surveyed said they like to settle an argument by having sex. The other 37%… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to the New York Daily News, Geraldo said he is now carrying a gun, and he will personally shoot Osama bin… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
BP CEO Tony Hayward said he would just like to get his life back. He wants to get his life back. You… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama said he is going to use the Gulf disaster to push a new energy bill through Congress. How about using… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Clinton and President Obama played a round of golf over the weekend. President Clinton asked Obama what his handicap was, and… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The leaders of the Taliban said today that killing bin Laden won't solve the problem. But, you know, it couldn't hurt. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
When President Chirac gave [President] Bush a souvenir statue of the Eiffel Tower... Bush said 'This is great! A little oil rig!' — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Today Arnold Schwarzenegger made another major announcement. He said his lieutenant governor will be Xena, Warrior Princess. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush called Arnold to congratulate him today, and after he got off the phone, Arnold said, 'I thought my English was… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, "Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England". — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Nancy Pelosi said that when it comes to cleaning up government, the Democrats have drained the swamp. The only problem with that… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry and Ralph Nader met face-to-face, it was a historic meeting. Astronomers said today their meeting actually created what is called… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama said he plans on training 10,000 new math and science teachers. How about teaching math to that economic team of his? — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
"I am not just another notch on your belt?" she asked him. "Of course not." he said as he put a mark… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Vice President Joe Biden said today that 'Syria must be held accountable.' Unfortunately, the Obama administration has never employed an accountant, so… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry went hunting today. He said he killed a goose. He didn't bring Teresa along because he was a little rusty… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
They determined who got the first question by a coin toss, to which Sarah Palin said, 'Oh, what a coincidence, that's how… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
When Rick Perry was told about Kim Jong Il, he said, 'I never heard of him, but then again, I don't listen… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
They said that President Bush's war in Iraq has cost the former Spanish Prime Minister his job. So President Bush isn't losing… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Here is your government at work. A congressman from Colorado said he wants to draft a rule that would make it unethical to have… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Right afterwards, she'll get out… — Jay Leno Copy Share
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