Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: "I know I asked for ice, but this… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: "Have you a good memory for faces?" I asked why… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I asked a shop owner if he could help me out. He said: "What way did you come in?" — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
My wife said to me: 'If you won the lottery, would you still love me?' I said: 'Of course I would. I'd… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner." — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself. — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: "We are two… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
It's my wife Ruth's birthday soon. I said to her: "What would you like for your birthday?" She said: "I want a… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: "Have a drink on me." The… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: "It takes… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: "Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live." The man… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
A man walked into a shop and asked, "How much are your eggs?" He said "£1.40 a dozen". He then asked: "How… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'. — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: "You can't eat your own food in here." So… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror." — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: "It takes four hours."… — Frank Carson Copy Share
Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine? — Frank Carson Copy Share
The council in Blackpool have given the homeless bus passes, but how would they know where to get off? — Frank Carson Copy Share
A girl asks her doctor, "Doctor, I've forgotten to take my contradictory pill!" The doctor says: "Are you ignorant?" The girl says: "Yes, three… — Frank Carson Copy Share
I'm staying in a lovely hotel, dressing robe behind the door, lovely fluffy sheets - took me a half an hour getting my suitcase… — Frank Carson Copy Share
I'm really worried about my girlfriend's morals ... she has NEXT written on her knickers. — Frank Carson Copy Share
A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: "Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live." The man said: "Can… — Frank Carson Copy Share
My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror." — Frank Carson Copy Share
My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the… — Frank Carson Copy Share
A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man says: "Her… — Frank Carson Copy Share
A man up in front of a judge says "I don't recognise this court." "Why not?" "It's been redecorated since the last time I… — Frank Carson Copy Share
My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p. — Frank Carson Copy Share
