Republican Quotes by Jay Leno

It looks like Rudy Giuliani is out of the race. Finally, a Republican with an exit strategy.

— Jay Leno

Clinton's pet Labrador, Buddy, is getting neutered. The dog will never have sex again. Overnight, they've turned Buddy from a Democrat into…

— Jay Leno

Yesterday in New York City, Donald Trump officially changed his political affiliation from Republican to Independent. And Donald's hair has switched from…

— Jay Leno

Tonight the Republican presidential candidates had a big debate, 10 candidates. The last time that many rich white guys got together, I…

— Jay Leno

Republicans are calling the Bush-Cheney ticket the 'Wizard of Oz' ticket. One needs a heart and the other needs a brain.

— Jay Leno

Of course, Republicans still can't believe that Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. But then Democrats can't believe that Sarah Palin…

— Jay Leno

You know who Boehner is, right? He's that orange looking guy. See, for Republicans that counts as diversity.

— Jay Leno

The Flinstones wore furs, they ate red meat, and had a stoneage philosophy. In fact, they were the first Republicans.

— Jay Leno

Republicans are now saying that Dan Rather should lose his job because he misled the country with bogus information. Which is odd…

— Jay Leno

Last night, John McCain said that under the Democratic health care plan, a bureaucrat would stand between you and your doctor, as…

— Jay Leno

Hillary Clinton's opponent in the U.S. Senate race, the Republican she's going to be running against, has been married three times, had…

— Jay Leno

Bob Dole revealed he is one of the test subjects for Viagra. He said on Larry King, 'I wish I had bought…

— Jay Leno

Well, there's a bright side to this for Ken Lay. You know, throughout the years Ken Lay has been a big campaign…

— Jay Leno

Like in [the 1950s] if you wanted to ruin someone´s career in Hollywood you claimed he was a Communist. Nowadays, you want…

— Jay Leno

Have you noticed how the Republicans and Democrats try to copy each other at their conventions. Like at the Democratic convention John…

— Jay Leno

John Kerry now getting slammed by the Republicans because of a botched joke he did about President Bush and Iraq in a…

— Jay Leno

Now the Democrats control the Senate. But the good news is that now the Republicans can admit that Strom Thurmond has been…

— Jay Leno

I'm a staunch Independant. Every time I think I am a Republican, they do something greedy, and every time I think I…

— Jay Leno

Republican Congressman Pete Hoekstra has charged the Bush administration with keeping programs secret from Congress. Somehow no one from Congress reads the…

— Jay Leno

For the first time the people of Iraq are united. Today on CNN I saw a Kurd, a Shiite and a member…

— Jay Leno

Republicans are always criticizing President Obama for using the teleprompter. Is that a big deal? After eight years of George Bush, I'm…

— Jay Leno

Rumors have restarted that the Republican ticket will not be Bush-Cheney. But today those rumors were put to rest when Cheney said,…

— Jay Leno

The Republican debate got pretty heated. They spent most of their time arguing over who God called first.

— Jay Leno

John Kerry described his Republican critics as 'the most crooked, lying group I've ever seen.' Now, that's saying something, because Kerry's both…

— Jay Leno

Herman Cain told a group of Occupy Wall Street protesters to go home, get a job, and get a life. That's the…

— Jay Leno

Did you know that 10% of all Americans have not had sex in 5 years? I didn't know there were so many Republicans.

— Jay Leno

This is my favorite story of the week. The Republican National Committee is in trouble after spending nearly $2,000 at a bondage…

— Jay Leno

American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants…

— Jay Leno

The Republicans finally got some good news over the weekend. The North Koreans set off a nuclear bomb. Thank God. It was…

— Jay Leno

A petition to have Justin Bieber deported got over 100,000 signatures, which means the White House now has to legally rule on…

— Jay Leno

President Obama had lunch with Republican leaders at the White House today and had to do without salt, pepper and butter. Not…

— Jay Leno

The longest-serving Republican Senator, Alaska's Ted Stevens, found guilty just a few hours ago on all charges in his corruption trial. Do…

— Jay Leno

According to today's Los Angeles Times, Gray Davis now gets negative job ratings from white people, black people, Latinos, Republicans, Independents and…

— Jay Leno

“The Environmental Protection Agency is conducting a seven-hundred-thousand-dollar study to see if Alaskan trees are polluting Oregon forests. You can tell Republicans…

— Jay Leno

I'm trying to sum up President Obama's first 11 months in office. He gave billions to Wall Street, cracked down on illegal…

— Jay Leno

You know what the reward is to capture Saddam. You don't even need to capture Saddam, just say where he is. It's…

— Jay Leno

Republican presidential hopeful Mike Hucka-BS is attacking actress Natalie Portman for getting pregnant without being married. It could get a little awkward…

— Jay Leno

Congratulations to President Obama on being reelected president of the United States. Turns out it is not all bad news for the…

— Jay Leno