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Religious Quotes by Mark Twain

43 Religious quotes by Mark Twain

All Religious quotes Mark Twain’s page

Mark Twain jokes that he has never seen proof of an afterlife, yet he still leans toward believing one exists. He observes that people often let religion stir up conflict instead of using reason. He also calls humanity the only animal that calls itself religious.

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Man is kind enough when he is not excited by religion

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Conformity—the natural instinct to passively yield to that vague something recognized as authority.

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It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.

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Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned

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There has been only one Christian. They caught and curcified him-early.

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Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

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In America-as elsewhere-free speech is confined to the dead.

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If Christ were here now, there is one thing he would not be a Christian.

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“If I were to construct a God I would furnish Him with some way and qualities and characteristics which the Present lacks.”

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Men are more compassionate/(nobler)/magnanimous/generous than God; for men forgive their dead, but God does not.

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I would not read the proof of one of my books for any fair & reasonable sum whatever, if I could get…

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Blasphemy? No, it is not blashphemy. If God is as vast as that, he is above blasphemy; if he is as little…

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It was not that Adam ate the apple for the apple's sake, but because it was forbidden. It would have been better…

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Well, no doubt it's a blessed thing to have an imagination that can always make you satisfied, no matter how you are…

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Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion -…

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Irrevence is another person's disrespect to your god; there isn't any word that tells what your disrespect to his god is.

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Our Congresses consist of Christians. In their private life they are true to every obligation of honor; yet in every session they…

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A religion that comes of thought, and study, and deliberate conviction, sticks best. The revivalized convert who is scared in the direction…

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“Man is a marvelous curiosity … he thinks he is the Creator’s pet … he even believes the Creator loves him; has…

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We have to keep our God placated with prayer, and even then we are never sure of him-how much higher and finer…

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Concentration of power in a political machine is bad; and an Established Church is only a political machine; it was invented for…

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All schools, all colleges, have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal, valuable knowledge. The theological knowledge which they conceal cannot…

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That is a simple rule, and easy to remember. When I, a thoughtful and unblessed Presbyterian, examine the Koran, I know that…

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Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion--several of…

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If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be—a Christian.

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The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.

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I was dead for millions of years before I was born and it never inconvenienced me a bit.

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How easy it is to make people believe a lie, and [how] hard it is to undo that work again!

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Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool.

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Many people have the reasoning facility, but no one uses it in religious matters.

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Grown people everywhere are always likely to cling to the religion they were brought up in.

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There are many scapegoats for our sins, but the most popular one is Providence.

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I have never seen what to me seemed an atom of proof that there is a future life. And yet-I am inclined…

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To be a patriot, one had to say, and keep on saying, "Our Country, right or wrong," and urge on the little…

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I purpose publishing these Letters here in the world before I return to you. Two editions. One, unedited, for Bible readers and…

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I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian…

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Man is the only religious animal. In the Holy task of smoothing his brother's path to the happiness of heaven, he has…

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In religion and politics, people's belief's and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination

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...and last but not least, reflecting my feelings on proofreading...excuse any pages on my websites that have misspelled words or grammatical errors...I'm…

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Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the…

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More by Mark Twain

Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth.

If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could…

“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before…

It's easy to quit smoking. I've done it hundreds of times.

“It is never wrong to do the right thing.”

A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually…

There is nothing training can't cannot do. Nothing is above its reach.

I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get…

The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get…

“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to…

Begin with the determination to succeed and the work is half done already.

Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either…

If we could imagine such a man, that is a man who could invent the fly and send him out on his mission and…

You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly…

Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.