President Bush says now he is sticking to his plan for handing over power to the Iraqis on June 30. It's also… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Howard Dean was endorsed by former Vice President Al Gore and now he is getting advice from Al Gore. And I'm thinking,… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Obama and his family are spending the holidays in Hawaii, and while they're gone, they got a fence jumper to house… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Al Gore has endorsed Howard Dean for president. That's pretty fitting, the guy that didn't beat Bush endorsing the guy who won't… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Political pundits are saying President George W. Bush has made gains in two key states: dazed and confused. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
By accident Jeb Bush announced that he was running for president. And then he said, 'No, not yet. OK, I made a… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Former President Bush, to celebrate his 80th birthday, jumped out of an airplane. And if you've seen the polls, you know he's… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Did you hear what the Republicans have said about Hillary Clinton? They say she's too angry to be president. Hillary Clinton, Senator… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Bush says he is looking forward to the testimony of Condoleezza Rice. Yes, he is very excited about Condoleezza Rice's testimony… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Once you're president, you can't go anywhere without causing trouble. President Obama shows up in China, he's chewing gum, they go crazy.… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York, announced that she has no intentions of ever, ever running for office of the… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Here's why Sarah Palin says she won't be running for president. She says she can be more effective at getting others elected… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Over the weekend, of course, down there in Washington, D.C., they had the big White House Correspondents' Dinner. Do you know who… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
It's interesting what former presidents do when they leave office. Bush is now working as a motivational speaker. And if you want… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
A new survey indicates that Obama supporters love iPhones. So if you have an iPhone, chances are you are going to be… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Texas Senator Ted Cruz announced he is running for president. Ted Cruz was born in Canada, his father fled to the United… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Donald Trump is attacking President Obama's background. And I said, 'Wait a minute, Trump also is from a mixed background. He's half… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Obama and his wife are going to Kenya. Donald Trump said, 'While you're there, pick up your birth certificate.' — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Obama is in China. Also in China is evil Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. They're both in China at the same time.… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Obama went to India, South Korea, then Japan. He's going to keep travelling until he finds his birth certificate. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Mitt Romney is not going to run for president. Mitt said it's time for fresh faces. So that's good news for Bruce… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Last night, President Bush gave a prime-time press conference. It was such a big deal that Fox decided to preempt American Idol.… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
But down in Florida in the early voting, there were computer glitches, confusing ballots, long lines and chaos. And when President Bush… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Mitt Romney is not going to be running for president. So you know what that means. We are getting closer and closer… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Donald Trump announced that he is not running for president. He would rather spend his time making Gary Busey sell Snapple on… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
John Kerry says that foreign leaders want him to be president, but that he can't name the foreign leaders. That's all right,… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Did you folks see President Bush's State of the Union Address? How about that surprise announcement? Howard Dean has been captured and… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Last night we had Bill Clinton, the former president. Security was as tight as Governor Christie's yoga pants. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Bush announced he has a five-point strategy for getting out of Iraq. Points six through 10 will be handled by the… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
It looks like President Bush will be handing over power to the Iraqis by June 30th. That's amazing and not only that,… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Obama is sending troops back to Iraq. He said, 'Don't worry, we should not be there any longer than a Kardashian… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
The White House says that the vacation in Texas will give President Bush the chance to unwind. My question is, when does… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
CIA Director George Tenet has now testified before the 9/11 commission and he said we are still making the same dumb mistakes,… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Guess who's running for president? Jeb Bush. Jeb was governor of Florida and he speaks fluent Spanish, which raises the question: What… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
They're saying President Obama doesn't have any friends. The problem is that he can't get Congress to approve one. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
It was a tough press conference for President Bush. He spent the first ten minutes trying to pronounce Fallujah. ... Bush insisted… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Yesterday, the Senate voted to approve President Clinton's decision to send troops to Bosnia. And they voted to change the name of… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Bush announced that the war in Iraq has been won. It's all over, it's been won. I believe this would be… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Two things you need to know about taxes. They've extended the deadline to April 18, and when you write your check, just make it… — David Letterman Copy Share
You know Kim Jong Un, the evil dictator of North Korea? Apparently, a guy in his inner circle used his ashtray while smoking and… — David Letterman Copy Share
It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights. — David Letterman Copy Share
There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They… — David Letterman Copy Share
Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice. — David Letterman Copy Share
We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since… — David Letterman Copy Share
I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal. — David Letterman Copy Share
I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to… — David Letterman Copy Share
Do I think there is a heaven? Uh, yeah I do. Like a really big gymnasium. How do I see myself there? With really… — David Letterman Copy Share
Well, we're just a couple of weeks from new President Barack Obama being sworn in. And he's been very busy naming a lot of… — David Letterman Copy Share
Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving. — David Letterman Copy Share
Prince William and Kate Middleton are in New York City. We have got to do something about immigration. — David Letterman Copy Share
