President Bush called Arnold to congratulate him today, and after he got off the phone, Arnold said, 'I thought my English was… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush spent the day calling names he couldn't pronounce in countries he never knew existed. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush listed his income as $822,000. You know what John Kerry calls someone who earns $822,000? Not even worth dating. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
While President Bush was out of town Hillary Clinton stopped by the White House on Friday for an important meeting with her… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Bush administration has apparently approved a plan to oust Saddam Hussein. I think that's President Bush's Father's Day gift to his… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A new poll shows that Americans now believe that Bill Clinton is more honest than President Bush. At least when Clinton screwed… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
When President Chirac gave [President] Bush a souvenir statue of the Eiffel Tower... Bush said 'This is great! A little oil rig!' — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry said today he wants to debate President Bush once a month. Hey good luck, if Bush couldn't make it to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush said it's now time for a change in Iraq and he wants them to have a Western-style democracy like ours.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The White House has finally found one guy that kinda remembers serving with President Bush in the National Guard. Now they just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush's campaign is now attacking John Kerry for throwing away some of his medals to protest the Vietnam War. Bush did… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush demanded that Kerry apologize. Can you imagine that -- Bush demanding an apology for someone stumbling over his words? ...… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There's this huge controversy over the fact that President Bush apparently received credit for National Guard service in Alabama in '72 and… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush earned $400,000 for his job as president last year. That's not really that much for being president when you think… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In an interview with Rolling Stone, Senator John Kerry, who is running for president, said that when he voted for the war… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush was in Los Angeles yesterday where he announced his new campaign theme - “Safer, Stronger, and Tested.” Isn't that a… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Heating bills this winter are the highest they've been in five years, but President Bush has a plan to combat rising bills.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush said global warming is happening much quicker than he thought, and then his staff pulled him aside and said 'It's… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush and Bill Clinton both agree that cloning is morally wrong. Clinton said that he thinks humans should be made the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush has unveiled his first campaign commercial, highlighting all of his accomplishes in office. That's why it's a 60-second spot. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A Newsweek poll said if the election were held today, John Kerry would beat Bush 49 percent to 46 percent. And today,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to CNN, Donald Rumsfeld said the war in Iraq did not go according to plan. And President Bush said, 'What? We… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush fell off his bicycle this weekend and you know what was really sad? It's a stationary bike. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
As we head to war with Iraq, President Bush wants to make one thing clear: This war is not about oil. It's… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush says he has just one question for the American voters, 'Is the rich person you're working for better off now… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Some sad news, President Bush's lapdog passed away. Gee, I didn't even know Tony Blair was sick? — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush has urged people to get back to normal and today Congress announced that they are accepting bribes again. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush said the other day the war is not about timetables. It's about winning. Hey, it worked in Florida. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Some Democrats say the estimated $60 billion dollar cost of a war with Iraq could be better spent at home. When he… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush said that our kids must be taught how to read. He said if his aides never learned to read, they'd… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
We ought to thank President Bush. He made it a lot easier for people to do taxes this year. No job, no… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush released his tax returns yesterday. He listed the economy as a liability. He gets to write that off. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush played golf yesterday and I understand Vice President Dick Cheney also got in a couple of strokes. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Saddam Hussein also challenged President Bush to a debate. The Butcher of Baghdad vs. the Butcher of the English language. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Good news. President Bush is creating thousands of new jobs. Unfortunately, all of them are at the White House. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Democrats say that President Bush doesn't have an exit strategy for Iraq. Of course he does. If things don't go well,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
On 'Meet the Press' yesterday President Bush was asked what he would do if he lost the election and Bush said, ''Phhh,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry accused President Bush of catering to the rich. You know, as opposed to John Kerry who just marries them. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Here is your government at work. A congressman from Colorado said he wants to draft a rule that would make it unethical to have… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Right afterwards, she'll get out… — Jay Leno Copy Share
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