Hotel tea is when you have to mix together a plastic envelope containing too much sugar, a small plastic pot of something which is not milk but has curdled anyway, and a thin brown packet seemingly containing the ashes of… — Frank Muir Copy Share Image
It has been said that a bride's attitude towards her betrothed can be summed up in three words: Aisle. Alter. Hymn. — Frank Muir Copy Share Image
The golden rule when reading the menu is, if you cannot pronounce it, you cannot afford it. — Frank Muir Copy Share Image
The speeches to be wary of are those that begin with I'm just going to say a few words. — Frank Muir Copy Share Image
Strategy is buying a bottle of fine wine when you take a lady out for dinner. Tactics is getting her to drink it. — Frank Muir Copy Share Image
Wit is a weapon. Jokes are a masculine way of inflicting superiority. But humor is the pursuit of a gentle grin, usually in solitude. — Frank Muir Copy Share Image
A golf ball is white, dimpled like a bishop's knees, and is the size of small mandarin oranges or those huge pills which vets… — Frank Muir Copy Share Image
Hotel tea is when you have to mix together a plastic envelope containing too much sugar, a small plastic pot of something which is… — Frank Muir Copy Share Image
Some breakfast food manufacturer hit upon the simple notion of emptying out the leavings of carthorse nose bags, adding a few other things like… — Frank Muir Copy Share Image
The glances over cocktails That seem to be so sweet Don't seem quite so amorous Over Shredded Wheat — Frank Muir Copy Share Image
