I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world. — Jay London Copy Share
I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who? — Jay London Copy Share
I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it. — Jay London Copy Share
His puppyhood was a period of foolish rebellion. He was always worsted, but he fought back because it was his nature to fight back.… — Jay London Copy Share
I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out. — Jay London Copy Share
My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese. — Jay London Copy Share
