“Have you ever truly, keenly felt like you don't know who you are? Do you ever do something and think, Who is at the controls? Like some mad pilot has locked you out of the cockpit? I definitely do. I… — Olivia Sudjic Copy Share Image
“It was to do with the glazed look that always comes over me when faced with somebody who has offended or hurt me and… — Olivia Sudjic Copy Share Image
“I was on the sidewalk, buffering, wondering if it was okay to follow people in real life.” — Olivia Sudjic Copy Share Image
“That night I dreamt about the roses laid at the wrong feet—the feet of the nurse. Each bit of the dream was like a hyperlink. I pressed on one, wanting answers, and it took me to another. I could never get to the meaning at the bottom of any of the bits. When I reached for the petals of the… — Olivia Sudjic Copy Share
“I saw a doctor. I went in case there were any remnants of the summer inside me—sticky, slender fish bones that needed to be scraped into the bin. He was dismissive of my concerns and said my body would have let me know by now. Did I have what was known as female intuition? I said I'd had my feminine… — Olivia Sudjic Copy Share
“I felt the nauseous shiver in my stomach—everything from rage to empathy to morning sickness—that I had grown used to and now thought of… — Olivia Sudjic Copy Share Image
“A neon-pink 3 flickered and instantly disappeared again into the dark. The sight of it on my own device now made me sick. I held my finger down on the menu screen; each little app logo began to vibrate. I deleted the 3. I contemplated deleting everything. Cleaning it all away. The idea had a charm, a self-cancellation, many little… — Olivia Sudjic Copy Share
“I felt my own self-sufficiency, my own Walden Pond, seeping out of me as if I'd sprung a leak. Self soaked into everything around… — Olivia Sudjic Copy Share Image
“ Roses are like kamikaze love pilots. Roses are like suicide love bombers. ” — Olivia Sudjic Copy Share Image
“Waking in the morning, I had to remember grief all over again. It was sunny, a white winter sun, and that made me sad.” — Olivia Sudjic Copy Share Image
“But you'd hope anyone would feel sympathy if they actually saw someone face to face, pleading for a chance.” — Olivia Sudjic Copy Share Image
“From watching Silvia, I'd learned that one of the worst things about being ill is that most people find your suffering opaque. With this sadness it was different. I felt that I needed to nurture and protect it from people's understanding. I wanted Susy's sympathy because I wanted comfort and to feel less alone, and yet I also didn't want… — Olivia Sudjic Copy Share
