Saddam Hussein has raised the amount going to suicide bombers from $10 thousand dollars to $25 thousand. What's next, a health care plan? — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Do you know who will be in charge of health care? The IRS. You thought getting audited was bad? Wait until your… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If I have one advantage, it's that I will try to work harder than the next guy. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A survey has shown that the average man has had sex in a car 15 times. Something to keep in mind next… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Senate is now considering increasing government subsidies for corn growers to produce more ethanol. If we produce enough ethanol we can… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
As you know President Bush has been traveling around the country trying to sell his new Social Security plan. He wants to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Experts are saying that President Bush's goal now is to politically humiliate Saddam Hussein. Why don't we just make him the next… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Whitney Houston rear-ended a city bus with her sports car, but no one was hurt. She said she didn't know what happened.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bill Clinton is the only ex-president who hasn't planned his own funeral. But, in his defense, in the past he has said… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A new poll says that if the election were held today, both John Kerry and John Edwards would beat President Bush by… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Supreme Court has ruled that anybody can be strip-searched for any kind of arrest. That's something to think about the next… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
So, Wesley Clark is running for president. Pretty amazing guy. Four star general, first in his class at West Point, supreme commander… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I watched that new reality show on ABC with Charlie Gibson, 'America's Next Top Vice President.' ... Oh, what an exciting show… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Anheuser-Busch gives two free cases of beer to its employees at all of its parks, like Busch Gardens. That's a comforting thought… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There are now reports that President Obama will name Massachusetts Senator John Kerry to be the next secretary of defense. Apparently this… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The FCC is considering lifting the ban on cellphone calls on planes. The good news is you'll be able to make calls… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Women get a little more excited about New Year's Eve than men do. It's like an excuse: you drink too much, you… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A review of studies by physicians found that excessive exercise is bad for your heart. Another study says a daily serving of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Is it me or is President Bush's life starting to sound like a country song. He's from Texas, his dog just died,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Postal inspectors have been given advanced warning that Publishers Clearinghouse is sending packets of laundry detergent that could be mistaken for anthrax.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
As you know, John McCain is an older, white-haired man who has been in the Senate for over twenty years, voted for… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Here is your government at work. A congressman from Colorado said he wants to draft a rule that would make it unethical to have… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Right afterwards, she'll get out… — Jay Leno Copy Share
