Martha Stewart is now under house arrest. So she'll go to her $40 million 153-acre estate. So she's going from the big… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Yesterday morning Facebook was temporarily offline, leaving millions of workers unable to do anything except their jobs. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry speaks French fluently. Democrats are saying he's one in a million. A war hero who speaks French, isn't it more… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You know what you call the two winners of that $580 million PowerBall lottery? ... Former Democrats — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Romney raised $10 million. That’s a dollar for every position he’s had on healthcare. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You know what the bounty is on bin Laden? $25 million. It sounds like a lot until you realize the Texas Rangers… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
When Clinton said he was going to create 8 million new jobs, I didn't think they were all going to be tax collectors. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Over 6 million people were evacuated from New Jersey ahead of the hurricane. And now, three of them have gone back. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry has promised to take this country back from the wealthy. Who better than the guy worth $700 million to take… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Scientists believe that monkeys can be taught to think, lie and even play politics within their community. If we can just teach… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In his big victory speech last night, Senator Kerry said that he wanted to defeat George Bush and the 'economy of privilege.'… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
They say John Kerry is the first Democratic presidential candidate in history to raise $50 million in a three-month period. Actually, that's… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry's wife Teresa Heinz is on the cover of Newsweek magazine this week and they said that if he is elected… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Kerry has already begun his search for a running mate. They say that because John Edwards still has $50 million in campaign… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Sarah Palin has revealed she has tried marijuana, but she did not like it. You know, it's amazing: 200 million Americans have… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
More and more details coming out now about spoiled rich kid Osama bin Laden. Time reports this week he was one of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush is now focusing on jobs. I think the one job he's focusing most on is his own. The White House… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is now a $5 million dollar bounty on Osama bin Laden. Which marks the first time in history there has ever… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You know what the reward is to capture Saddam. You don't even need to capture Saddam, just say where he is. It's… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Democratic Convention is $27 million in debt. They had to cancel the kick-off event at the Charlotte Motor Speedway. A speedway… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
It seems that England's royal family is running out of money. They are down to just $1.6 million. Well sure, that's what… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
They say there are something like 12 million illegal immigrants in the country right now, with another half a million coming every… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Mitt Romney is predicting that as president, he will create 12 million jobs in his first term. Well, President Obama says a… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to geologists, about 100 million years from now, Asia and the Americas will smash together to form one giant supercontinent. The… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In the Enron scandal, whistleblower Sherron Watkins is now calling herself Enron Brokovitch. She testified Ken Lay was duped by the other… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
They had a profile of John Kerry on the news and they said his first wife was worth around $300 million and… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Here is your government at work. A congressman from Colorado said he wants to draft a rule that would make it unethical to have… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Right afterwards, she'll get out… — Jay Leno Copy Share
