Masturbate Quotes by Peter Griffin

1 Masturbate quote by Peter Griffin

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Life is full of important decisions like whether or not you got time to masturbate.

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Hey Brian! I turned the stairs into a waterslide!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Lois, this isn't my Batman glass.

Be careful who you're calling a child, Lois, because if I'm a child, that makes you a pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm…

Just don't forget our deal, Lois. I sit through this and later tonight I get anal. You hear me? No matter how neat I…

I'd say, 'Come again?' and I'd laugh as I said, 'Come.'

“I just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking...scared the hell out of me. So that's it, after today...no more reading”

If you have a problem, tell it to my butt, its the only one that gives a crap!

Dear MacGuyver, Enclosed is a rubber band, a paper clip, and a drinking straw. Please save my dog.

Life is full of important decisions like whether or not you got time to masturbate.

Hey hey, where the hell is that Peter Griffin? He told me he'd give me a hundred dollars if I took off all my…

Holy Crip it's a crapple.

Yep, now here's the plan: You'll enter through the air contitioning duct here. Now there'll be an invisible laser grid three inches from the…

Lois this family believes in the Easter bunny, he died for our sins in that helicopter crash.

If I'm a child that means you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if I'm going stand here and take this from a pervert.

Well, I'm gettin' something really special too. And by special I don't mean special like that Kleinaman boy down the street. More special like...…