It was one of those days when every time I went to go out the door, something grabbed me in the back of the brain and said, lie down and masturbate one more time. — Jonathan Ames Copy Share Image
“I do think everyone would be a lot happier if we laid eggs on our own and could just have friendship and didn't need… — Jonathan Ames Copy Share
“Try to think about more important things,' he said. 'Think about your soul, your character. Think about the freezer. It's a solid block of… — Jonathan Ames Copy Share
It's hard to leave New York: this is where my friends are, my parents are. It is so vital. The whole world seems to… — Jonathan Ames Copy Share
Unfortunately, I'm one of those idiots who knows everything about health and is in a constant state of alarm, and yet I continue to… — Jonathan Ames Copy Share
I don't know that I've gotten much feedback directly from the literary world; sometimes I doubt even the notion that there is a literary… — Jonathan Ames Copy Share
People don't expect too much from literature. They just want to know they're not alone with being confused. — Jonathan Ames Copy Share
It was one of those days when every time I went to go out the door, something grabbed me in the back of the… — Jonathan Ames Copy Share
I wish we had a dog in the show so that I could get to be a dog for a day. — Jonathan Ames Copy Share
There are so many talented young writers named Jonathan, with whom by comparison I suffer terribly. — Jonathan Ames Copy Share
“I know I experience great consolation when my mouth is between a woman’s legs. I think it must be because I’m drinking in her… — Jonathan Ames Copy Share
I might have some sort of personality disorder. I might not have proper filters; it might be some kind of version of Asperger's meets… — Jonathan Ames Copy Share
I didn't play or like a lot of board games as a child. I liked playing with my G.I. Joes and making up adventures… — Jonathan Ames Copy Share
How terrible to be alcoholic. You just want to quietly soothe and maybe poison yourself, but you end up poisoning those around you as… — Jonathan Ames Copy Share
I always liked those characters in 'True Blood' who could turn into animals. I'd love to be an animal of some kind and run… — Jonathan Ames Copy Share
