It's important when you're married not to forget those things you used to do when you were trying to get her to marry you. You can't send flowers and buy gifts then, when you're married, say, 'Right, get my tea… — David Walliams Copy Share Image
Definitely I love women, I love being around women, I find them incredible and intoxicating, and I've never had that feeling I get with… — David Walliams Copy Share
I have a pathological fear of being on my own. When I'm with my own thoughts, I start to unravel myself, and I start… — David Walliams Copy Share
I was depressed as a child. I found it hard to make friends. My favourite thing was locking myself in the bathroom and practising… — David Walliams Copy Share
“Alberta thought for a moment, and took a live mouse out of her pocket by its tail before dropping it into Wagner’s mouth. The… — David Walliams Copy Share
Writing for radio really focuses the mind, because you can't rely on thinking "Oh, just pull a funny face at the end of this… — David Walliams Copy Share
There's something about being a comedian that means you have to not be scared of failing because failing is part of the process. — David Walliams Copy Share
“nashin awa wi their een watterin. But naebody wis aw that freendly tae him. Naebody stapped for a blether.” — David Walliams Copy Share
People think writing a children's book is something you could do in an afternoon but it's actually really hard. — David Walliams Copy Share
I think most people that do comedy write for themselves. I don't think there is any other way you can do it, really. Otherwise… — David Walliams Copy Share
No more watching that show Small England or whatever it's called where those two idiots dress up as 'laydees'. It's a bad influence. — David Walliams Copy Share
“One boy dropped his trousers and did an almighty—!” “I don’t need to know, thank you!” replied Stella, cutting the boy off.” — David Walliams Copy Share
“They may have only had one pence to spend, but their hearts beamed with gold.” — David Walliams Copy Share
