If some unemployed punk in New Jersey, can get a cassette to make love to Elle McPherson for $19.95, this virtual reality… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That's the second hand, George. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Check out the helmet hair on Randy Moss, babe! He looks like some freakish anti-Mr. T after a long evening sleeping through… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
A lot of people voting for Pat Buchanan say they are doing so to send a message. Apparently that message is, 'Hey,… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Half the people I look who are health food addicts look sickly to me. Let's start taxing health food. Somebody force a… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I don't know what I think of George W. Bush when he first got in, but I've grown fond of the man,… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
When I went to college, I lived on campus, and the guys I hung out with made the characters in Revenge of… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I like money. It's fun to fold and stack and smell and look at. It's just plain fun to count money, and… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Look, we're Americans: optimistic, addicted to the quick fix, constantly on the hunt for the new and exotic. It's much easier for… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Laughter is one of the great beacons in life because we don't refract it by gunning it through our intellectual prism. What makes us… — Dennis Miller Copy Share
It takes zero politically correct people to screw in a lightbulb because they are perpetually in the dark. — Dennis Miller Copy Share
Drop the veneer periodically and be like "OK, I'm an imperfect human. Let's try to get through this." — Dennis Miller Copy Share
I'm left on a lot of things. If two gay guys want to get married, I could care less. If a nut case from… — Dennis Miller Copy Share
American's could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel. — Dennis Miller Copy Share
Nowadays, with history not being taught anymore in American public schools, self-esteem is taking its place. — Dennis Miller Copy Share
I think abortion's wrong, but it's none of my business to tell somebody what's wrong, he said. So I'm pro-choice. I want to keep… — Dennis Miller Copy Share
Americans stick their nose where it doesn't belong more than Cyrano de Bergerac giving head. — Dennis Miller Copy Share
We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head. — Dennis Miller Copy Share
Dennis Kucinich's politics are more scrambled than Rod Steiger's dream journal. — Dennis Miller Copy Share
Somebody call Janet Reno - I think I just saw Donato dragging Doug Flutie into a locker room closet! — Dennis Miller Copy Share
I have sympathy for any human being that's driven by their limbic part of their brain. We all know that exists in a person. — Dennis Miller Copy Share
I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet. — Dennis Miller Copy Share
There's a lot of differing data [about global warming], but as far as I can gather, over the last hundred years the temperature on… — Dennis Miller Copy Share
The good thing about Pittsburgh, it's a good place to be raised... it doesn't tolerate assholes. You're either a good guy or you're a… — Dennis Miller Copy Share
