Some sad news, President Bush's lapdog passed away. Gee, I didn't even know Tony Blair was sick? — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Canadian Prime Minister said Canada would lend the U.S. its full military support. You know what that means: Both tanks. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
50% of Americas population spends less than 10 dollars a month on romance. You know what we call these people? Men! — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The first Olympic Games were held in 776 BC. Do you know who lit the flame? Betty White. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump says that he will not run for president. You know why? He can't find his birth certificate. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You know what they say when a supermodel gets pregnant? Now she's eating for one. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You know what Arnold Schwarzenegger and Meg Whitman have in common? They both got in trouble for stiffing the maid. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A Libyan rebel has admitted to killing Moammar Gadhafi. He said he shot Gadhafi twice in the temple, to which Michele Bachmann… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The healthcare reform bill now includes a tanning booth tax of 10 percent. You know what this means? This whole thing could… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bin Laden was once targeted by President Clinton. President Clinton wanted to kill him but couldn't get him. Of course not, we… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama is coming under criticism now for not meeting with his jobs council. He hasn't met with his jobs council in… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
As if this whole thing isn't confusing enough, election officials announced this week that the alphabet on the ballot will begin with… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In business news, chocolate maker nestle is buying Jenny Craig. Well, that says it all you need to know about the war… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
One of President Obama's winning points last night was about how sanctions against Iran are crippling their economy. And believe me, if… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
One of the interpreters hired by CBS for the Dan Rather/Saddam Hussein interview adopted a phony Arabic accent. You know, maybe CBS… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You know what the reward is to capture Saddam. You don't even need to capture Saddam, just say where he is. It's… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You know, something like 90 people who have now filed to run for governor in this recall election. They say there could… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
This Tony Haywire guy, whatever his name is, he told the BBC on Sunday that he believes the new oil cap that… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I'm trying to sum up President Obama's first 11 months in office. He gave billions to Wall Street, cracked down on illegal… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Well, President-elect Barack Obama and his family are gonna spend the holidays in his home state of Hawaii. And you know who… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
U.S. Government has said they are now going to go after the terrorist's electronic banking system. You know what they should do?… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
So, it's pretty crazy. Look, we're bailing out Wall Street, we're bailing out banks, we're bailing out car companies. In fact, did… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
When we finally have this recall election in October, there could be as many as 200 people on the ballot. And you… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Did you know that 10% of all Americans have not had sex in 5 years? I didn't know there were so many Republicans. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
People don't mind if you have a lot of money if they know you're working for it. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Martha Stewart was found guilty on all charges. You know what that means, stripes are in this year. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry accused President Bush of catering to the rich. You know, as opposed to John Kerry who just marries them. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Know what the Taliban leaders like to do for fun? Just sit around and get bombed. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Arnold said this is a last minute attack by Democrats. How did Arnold know to grope only Democrats? — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The leaders of the Taliban said today that killing bin Laden won't solve the problem. But, you know, it couldn't hurt. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
When a candidate walks away from a reality show, that's when you know they're serious about being president of the United States. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush listed his income as $822,000. You know what John Kerry calls someone who earns $822,000? Not even worth dating. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You know who Boehner is, right? He's that orange looking guy. See, for Republicans that counts as diversity. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You know what you call the two winners of that $580 million PowerBall lottery? ... Former Democrats — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush fell off his bicycle this weekend and you know what was really sad? It's a stationary bike. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You know what's sad about this? Not the gambling, but the best way to reach college athletes is the Cartoon Network. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If I could ask Ken Lay one question right now, do you know what it would be? "Does the Devil really wear… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Here is your government at work. A congressman from Colorado said he wants to draft a rule that would make it unethical to have… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Right afterwards, she'll get out… — Jay Leno Copy Share
