“He's kinda shy. Maybe I should ask him out." "I think it's more traditional for you to trick him into asking you out. That way he feels more manly.” — Pete Hautman Copy Share Image
“Murphy's face went through several mutations as he spoke, as if small animals were scurrying about just beneath his skin.” — Pete Hautman Copy Share
“Dear Miz Fitz, My boyfriend is superhot so a lot of girls think up reasons to talk to him. It drives me... ...Out of… — Pete Hautman Copy Share
We connect through our dreams. Like we could be a thousand miles apart and I'd still know you were there. — Pete Hautman Copy Share
“People in groups are like sheep. Like, when your very best friend is surrounded by other people, she cares more about what everybody else… — Pete Hautman Copy Share
“Guys have four personalities: the one they use with their parents, the one they use around other adults, the one they use for talking… — Pete Hautman Copy Share
“Do they really think that attending mass will make them better, or happier, or save them from an eternity of hellfire? Maybe they do.… — Pete Hautman Copy Share
“He's kinda shy. Maybe I should ask him out." "I think it's more traditional for you to trick him into asking you out. That… — Pete Hautman Copy Share
“...TV was entertainment of the last resort. There was nothing on during the day in the summer other than game shows and soap operas.… — Pete Hautman Copy Share
“I didn't know what to say, but one thing was for sure: The Bank of Ted was closed.” — Pete Hautman Copy Share
“Anyway, the reason I hate communion isn't the meat-eating component. I get hungry enough, I'll eat anything. The reason I hate it is because… — Pete Hautman Copy Share
