The Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you. — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn't all the water… — Alan Coren Copy Share
Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what it is you want to hear. — Alan Coren Copy Share
Jacob is a German Shepherd. (I have never understood why they aren't called German Sheepdogs. What do the Germans call shepherds?) — Alan Coren Copy Share
The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it. — Alan Coren Copy Share
English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit. ... Inside this hothouse, huge lascivious orchids slide sensuously up the sweating windows, passion-flowers cross-pollinate in wild… — Alan Coren Copy Share
All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons. — Alan Coren Copy Share
I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things. — Alan Coren Copy Share
Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear. — Alan Coren Copy Share
In the days when the keepers of the house shall tremble, and the strong men shall bow themselves, and the grinders cease because they… — Alan Coren Copy Share
I wonder sometimes if manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things. — Alan Coren Copy Share
Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room. — Alan Coren Copy Share
Having lost the last war, they are currently enjoying a Wirtschaftswunder , which can be briefly translated as "The best way to own a… — Alan Coren Copy Share
Ethnically, the Germans are Teutonic...being made up of Vandals, Gepidae, and Goths, all of whom emigrated - south from Sweden in about 500 BC;… — Alan Coren Copy Share
