They say if the warming trend continues, by 2015 Hillary Clinton might actually thaw out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Show business is like Champagne. You'll appreciate it more if you don't drink it everyday — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If Jay spent as much time studying as he does trying to be a comedian, he'd be a big star. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If we go down in flames, we will be laughing on the way down, believe me. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Saddam Hussein has invited members from the U.S. Congress to visit Iraq. Man how stupid is Hussein? If you think Bush had… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Ron Paul is in favor of letting states legalize marijuana, prostitution, and cocaine. So even if he doesn't win, that's going to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Saddam Hussein is dead, and Osama bin Laden is dead. If you’re Moammar Gadhafi, living in exile is starting to sound really… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
People want to say there isn't racial profiling at the airport, but let's be honest. If you first name is Mohammed, and… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Barack Obama spent his first day as president-elect putting together his transition team. And if you believe MSNBC, by tomorrow he will… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry said today he wants to debate President Bush once a month. Hey good luck, if Bush couldn't make it to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to the New York Daily News, Geraldo said he is now carrying a gun, and he will personally shoot Osama bin… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If I could ask Ken Lay one question right now, do you know what it would be? "Does the Devil really wear… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Comedy is the only profession where love from a stranger is better than love from a family member. You need to perform… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush announced a major new plan for the United States to put a man on the moon, which would be a… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The White House approved an exemption in Obamacare coverage for Congress and members of their staff. Members complained that the Affordable Care… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Chris Christie has officially endorsed Mitt Romney for president. Christie said President Obama is 'shrinking the American pie.' And believe me, if… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Con artists are using Obamacare confusion to sign people up for fake health insurance. The scammers lure victims with false promises like,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Governor Rick Perry now says his wife has been encouraging him to run for President. Remember first he told us God… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Like in [the 1950s] if you wanted to ruin someone´s career in Hollywood you claimed he was a Communist. Nowadays, you want… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Have you seen the cover of Newsweek? They have Martha Stewart on the cover, but it's not actually Martha. It's a doctored… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A second Homeland Security official has been arrested, a 49-year-old guy named Frank Figueroa, he was caught exposing and fondling himself to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry is recovering nicely after having prostate surgery. But the doctors did tell him it would be several months before he… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama's been reaching out to Iran, reaching out to Cuba, reaching out to Latin America. The only place he can't seem… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Climate experts say we should tell villagers in developing countries to reduce the amount of cooking smoke they generate to help fix… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will still have more than enough. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
People don't mind if you have a lot of money if they know you're working for it. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A Newsweek poll said if the election were held today, John Kerry would beat Bush 49 percent to 46 percent. And today,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Rick Perry has made so many gaffes lately, it is hard to tell if he's running against President Obama or Joe Biden. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Howard Dean was endorsed by Al Gore. Now, if Dean could get Gray Davis to campaign for him, that would put him… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Experts say that if we go to war with Iraq, oil could reach as much as $80 a barrel. Of course, after… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: if you… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I was born the day I got my license. When I was a kid, if I wanted to go somewhere and see… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Yesterday all five living presidents gathered for the opening of the George W. Bush presidential library in Dallas. Well, six living presidents… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Major heat wave in India - 122 degrees today. It was so hot people in India were sweating like Americans waiting to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Britney Spears told an interviewer if she weren't famous, she would be a teacher. So thank God she's famous. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Here is your government at work. A congressman from Colorado said he wants to draft a rule that would make it unethical to have… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Right afterwards, she'll get out… — Jay Leno Copy Share
![“Like in [the 1950s] if you wanted to ruin someone´s career in Hollywood you claimed he was a Communist. Nowadays, you want to ruin someone´s career in Hollywood, you claim they are Republican.” quote by Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2d1/jay-leno-210_careers_like-in-the-1950s-if-you-wanted-to-ruin_2539882.png)
