If you want to reinstate the 14.4 billion dollars that Bush cut out of the veterans program then vote democrat. — David Cross Copy Share Image
[If Donald Trump does get elected, I will be] probably Secretary Of Reeducation. Or I don't know. I'll probably end up working… — David Cross Copy Share Image
I read the New York Times, and if I'm in a different city, I'll skim that paper. — David Cross Copy Share Image
If people disagree with me and want to articulate it, that's not only their right but almost their obligation. — David Cross Copy Share Image
If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine. — David Cross Copy Share Image
What President of the Airline is doing is, he's urging everyone to give up their frequent flyer miles for sick kids... But… — David Cross Copy Share Image
It probably does make it more difficult to enjoy a good laugh at someone who's onstage, seemingly yelling at you. But I'm… — David Cross Copy Share Image
I'm very vocal about my belief that all religion is garbage. Most of my friends are religious or at least spiritual. These… — David Cross Copy Share Image
Maybe if you live in Brooklyn, you don't need to hear that? But please, trust me, in most of America, they do… — David Cross Copy Share Image
I think I could have a funnier, more economic sets. But that's the comedy I do. And I understand if people aren't… — David Cross Copy Share Image
Go back and read Sinclair Lewis - It Can't Happen Here or Babbitt. For a guy or girl who's going to do… — David Cross Copy Share Image
I'm going to keep talking about what I think is interesting for my entire career. If you want to hear about how… — David Cross Copy Share Image
In New York, you are constantly faced with this very urgent decision that you have to make, about every twenty minutes...you have to decide,… — David Cross Copy Share
I read the New York Times, and if I'm in a different city, I'll skim that paper. — David Cross Copy Share
I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner. — David Cross Copy Share
There's the disingenuous duplicitousness, but you can apply that to every politician, really. — David Cross Copy Share
I remember being a kid and the Vietnam War was huge and looking at Watergate. — David Cross Copy Share
I grew up in that minority. I grew up in the South, in Roswell, Georgia, and it was heavily white, Baptist, conservative. And the… — David Cross Copy Share
I think for a lot of people, it's just where their saturation point was. Once you get into the [Donald] Trump stuff and the… — David Cross Copy Share
It's not about trying to be funny all the time. It's more of a document that hopefully is funny. — David Cross Copy Share
I still think that, hopefully, you're not ahead of the jokes, and I think that has value. There is a punchline and it's pointed… — David Cross Copy Share
Most people who have kids are, "Hey, I want another me. I like me. I'm pretty cool, and I've got really great ideas, and… — David Cross Copy Share
I was in Antwerp - which, I had about 20 shows left at that point - and a guy said, "That's Dave Attell's." Also,… — David Cross Copy Share
In New York there isn't that weird palpable competitive thing where it's friendly but everyone isn't trying to top one another with jokes when… — David Cross Copy Share
I'm a professional comic. Whether you think I'm funny or not, that's, again, subjective. — David Cross Copy Share
![“[If Donald Trump does get elected, I will be] probably Secretary Of Reeducation. Or I don't know. I'll probably end up working in the cafeteria.” quote by David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c52/david-cross-3386_cafeteria_if-donald-trump-does-get-elected-i-will_1926742.png)
![“Go back and read Sinclair Lewis - It Can't Happen Here or Babbitt. For a guy or girl who's going to do an hour of political comedy, it might be a little rough, sure. But I think if you're spending 10 minutes or less, and you're talking about - not necessarily [Donald Trump] but his supporters and…” quote by David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/55e/david-cross-3386_all-kinds_go-back-and-read-sinclair-lewis-it-can-t_989673.jpg)
